


After the War

by milkface



Category: Naruto
Genre: Drug Use, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Mild Racism, Multi, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-23
Updated: 2013-03-14
Packaged: 2017-12-03 08:13:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/696168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milkface/pseuds/milkface
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been a year since the Fourth Great Ninja War ended. Naruto falls in love with Hinata, and there's sex everywhere. Although times are peaceful, our ninja friends still have plenty of adventuring to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

It’s been a year since the Fourth Great Ninja War ended, and things have become peaceful again. Naruto fucked Madara up with his awesome jutsus and shit, and Tsunade’s still alive and kicking as the Fifth hokage. Sasuke and Kakashi lost their sharingan after using them to eradicate the tailed beasts once and for all, and there’s no one left from the Uchiha clan nor there are no more sharingan left in the world. Sasuke is no longer evil and has come back to the village. Sakura’s still into Sasuke, although Naruto isn’t into Sakura anymore.

There doesn’t seem to be conflict between the villages anymore since the war ended, such a troublesome affair has left people tired and unwilling to fight for a while, especially since they worked together to fuck the Akatsuki up. The ninja in the villages are still learning jutsus and shit, although there aren’t many violent missions to do, so they just mess around partying and shit. Since the threat of danger or an enemy is gone, people are free to live their lives more socially and try all kinds of shit. The shinobi who were raised as warriors to show no emotion are becoming softer and shit. The adults are getting to live more normal lives. The teenagers who would have had to worry about defending their village, fighting the enemy, and passing the Chunin exams, are now getting to live a bit more like teenagers.

Most of the ninja you knew have become Jonin, and a few are Chunin. The only Genin in the village are the children and Naruto, who has become considerably weaker since he lost the Kyuubi, although his will is as strong as ever. Kakashi and Sasuke are still considerably strong, although they’re a lot weaker than they used to be after they lost their sharingan. Not that they really need it, since most of the missions nowadays involve doing chores for someone or finding lost pets.

Ayame-Teuchi’s daughter-died suddenly of the ebola virus, and so a new girl name Nayami was hired to work for him. Rock Lee stopped working on his taijutsu skills after the war ended and started his own band with Choji and Sai.

Even though things have quieted down, our ninja friends are still adventuring. _In a different kind of way._ Are you ready to go on a fantastic adventure? Well what the fuck are you waiting for!? Come with me, as we explore the the Naruto universe, after the war!

 


	2. A New Mission

Naruto had stolen some more of Rock Lee’s cash and was headed towards the Ichiraku Ramen shop to treat himself, when he bumped into someone.

“Hey, watch where you’re going you fucking fuckhead!”

Naruto turned around to see Konohamaru standing behind him holding a stapler and a stack of flyers.

“What the fuck did you just call me you little piece of fuck?” Naruto demanded.

“You heard what I fucking said, I called you a fucking fuckhead you fucking fucker.”

“Bitch you better watch what you fucking say, don’t think you’re the shit because you’re a Chunin, I could fuck you up if you wanna fight.”

Konohamaru sighed. “Sorry for snapping at you Naruto, I’m just a bit angry ‘cause the old lady’s making me put up these flyers.”

“You realize you could just make shadow clones and put them up faster, right?”

Konohamaru paused for a moment, and rubbed his chin. Suddenly he leaped back in horror and gasped. “Holy shit, Naruto! You’re right!”

“Hell,” Naruto continued, “You could probably use shadow clones to make anything go faster. Like when Pain destroyed the village. I’ve easily got enough chakra to make shadow clones and rebuild the village fast as hell. And whenever you need to get somewhere another ninja already is, why don’t they just reverse summon you? Instead of you having to physically go all the way over there?”

Konohamaru groaned. “Eh, Naruto you have to understand, this is a complicated anime. There’s lots of jutsus and shit, but when it gets down to it, just being summoned everywhere would be awfully boring. And just using rasengan or some shit to kill someone instantly wouldn’t be interesting, you need to fuck around for a bit doing weaker moves before you decide to finish someone off. Otherwise the fight would be boring. Instead of nitpicking at every little detail that seems a bit off, just enjoy the entertainment. I mean this is a great series, who cares about stupid shit like that?”

Naruto nodded his head in agreement. “You’re right Konohamaru, people need to stop getting their socks wet over small stuff and enjoy the big picture.”

“Exactly.”

“That’s why no one should get mad at me if this fan fiction doesn’t make sense.”

Konohamaru looked at Naruto confusedly. “What are you talking about?”

“Say, what are these flyers for anyway?” Naruto asked, grabbing one of them out of Konohamaru’s hand.

 

* * *

 

 

**YO YO YO WHAT THE FUCK IS UP MOTHAFUCKAS??**

**This here’s Tsunade, your hokage, punks!**

**I’m holding a party at the Konoha Orphanage to celebrate one year of peace!**

**We’ll be clubbin and rockin out and shit, with me, your dj! Featuring exclusive songs by Rock Lee, Killer Bee, and Lil Wayne!**

**Be there or be triangle! And bring a partner, otherwise you’ll look like a loser just standing there trying to dance without a partner. So bring one. PUNKS!**

 

* * *

 

“She’s holding some party or something, and people are gonna dance and stuff, you have to bring a partner.” Konohamaru said.

“Huh. Sounds like a pain. I wouldn’t go.”

“Ha, not like you can, you don’t have a girlfriend.”

“Shut up you little shit. I wouldn’t want to anyway. I’m going to eat some ramen since I stole a bunch of money from Lee.”

“Oh yeah, Lee’s rich isn’t he?”

“Yep. That’s why I steal his money. He got rich as hell once he stopped training in taijutsu after the war ended and started a rock band with Choji and Sai.”

“Alright, well I’ll see you around Naruto.”

“See ya,” Naruto said, and made his way over to Ichiraku Ramen. He was about to enter the shop when he heard someone call his name.

“Naruto!” He turned to see Sakura heading his way.

“Hey, Sakura-chan! I’m getting some ramen, you want some? I can afford it since I stole some money from Lee.”

“Oh yeah, Lee’s rich isn’t he?”

“Yep. That’s why I steal his money.”

“Well I can’t, I’m busy, and Tsunade wants you. She’s got a mission for you.”

“Oh, what the fuck! I was just about to eat.”

“Well you can wait. She needs you now so head over there.”

“Fine,” Naruto groaned, and headed for the Hokage residence.

 

* * *

 

“Yo punk!” Tsunade said, swinging around in her chair and making her huge tits jiggle.

“What?” Naruto asked impatiently.

“Come to my party.”

“No.”

“What the fuck you litte twerp? You can’t say no, this is a mission!”

“Bitch you better watch what you say, don’t think you’re the shit because you’re hokage, I could fuck you up if you wanna fight.”

“Listen Naruto,” Tsunade said, raising her voice, “I’m not joking. I’m holding the party and it’s your mission to come. I haven’t assigned you a mission for two weeks, since the hedge clipping incident.”

“Oh yeah,” Naruto said sheepishly, “Sorry about that by the way.”

“So you’ll come?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Alright, it’s tonight at 10:00 pm at the orphanage, be there or be triangle.”

“You mean square?” Naruto asked.

Tsunade stood up on her desk and made a bunch of signs and shit. “Triangle no jutsu!” She yelled, and pointed her hands at Naruto, who suddenly became a triangle. “No, I mean triangle. And this is what’ll happen to you if you don’t show up tonight, you understand?”

Naruto tried to respond, but he couldn’t, since he was a fucking triangle. Tsunade waited for an answer, tapping her foot impatiently, still standing on the desk. “Change me back bitch!” Naruto tried to say, but of course he couldn’t, since he was a fucking triangle.

Tsunade changed naruto back and sat down again. “Sorry about that, I lose my temper easily.” Naruto just stood there, still weirded out about being turned into a triangle. “Well, you’ll need a partner, I guess you could ask Sakura.”

“Nah, I’m not into her like that.”

Tsunade looked surprised. “I thought you liked her?”

Naruto scratched his head. “That was more of a schoolboy crush I guess, I got over it. Not into her like that.”

“Well, whatever, find someone. You should probably start looking now, so you’re ready by tonight.”

“Fine."

 

* * *

 

Naruto walked into the flower shop. “Yo Ino!”

“Buying flowers?” She asked.

“No.”

“Then get the fuck out.”

“Fuck you bitch, wanna fight? Listen, I need someone to go the dance party with me. The one Tsunade’s hosting.”

“Sorry, I’m already going with Choji.”

“Damn it! Of course you’d go with him, he’s a cool drummer in a band! All I did was save the world by defeating Madara, why would anyone want to go with me?”

Ino looked annoyed. “Sorry Naruto, and unless you’re buying flowers get out.”

“Well maybe I am buying flowers!” He retorted.

“Fine, which ones you want?”

He looked around. “Those!” he said, pointing to the yellow flowers behind the counter.

“That’ll be sixty pesos,” Ino said. Naruto got out the cash and paid her. “Holy shit,” Ino said, “You actually have the money.”

“Yeah, I stole some from Lee.”

“Oh yeah, Lee’s rich isn’t he?”

“Yep, that’s why I steal from him.”

“Alright, well you got your flowers, get the fuck out.”

Naruto took his flowers and left the shop looking depressed.

 

* * *

 

“I’ll never find anyone to take.” He mumbled to himself as he walked aimlessly around town.

“Yo Naruto!” Naruto looked up and saw Sasuke coming towards him. “You’re ugly,” Sasuke said.

“What the fuck man?” Naruto replied, looking hurt.

“It was a joke, relax. Don’t take shit so seriously. Who’re the flowers for?”

“Some girl. I’m trying to find a date to the dance party.”

“Ha, you’re desperate enough to spend your money on them huh? Guess you can’t get girls without it.”

“Shut up you fuck, it isn’t even my money, it’s Lee’s I stole it.”

“Oh yeah, you smell like shit.”

“What the fuck dude!? I took a shower this morning!” Naruto exclaimed, looking really hurt.

“Relax,” Sasuke responded, “It was a joke, don’t take shit so seriously.” Sasuke left and Naruto stood there looking depressed as shit. It’d been 2 hours and he still hadn’t even gotten to eat his ramen. It was 3:00 pm. He needed to find a date to the dance party.

Suddenly he remembered something. When he was fighting Pain, Hinata had stepped in to try to save him, and even confessed her love to him. That was pretty awesome of her. Maybe he could take her? He hid his flowers in his jumpsuit. He went to wherever the hell it is the Hyuuga clan lives in the village, and looked for Hinata.

 

* * *

 

He found her training. “Hey, Hinata-chan!” Naruto said as he approached her.

Hinata looked surprised. “Oh, hey Naruto-kun,” she said, “What are you doing here?”

“What are you training for?” he asked.

“Oh, well my dad says you can never be too prepared, and even if we’re in times of peace, we need to train like fuck just in case. And I was a bit bored,”

“Oh, that’s cool, trainings cool! I just ate a shit-ton of ramen by the way.” _What the fuck am I saying?_ Naruto thought to himself, _Stop beating around the bush and just ask her! Why in the fuck are you nervous?_

“Okay. . .” Hinata said. She was not the first person to look at Naruto with confusion that day.

“I was just-” Naruto swallowed, “Sorry I’m producing so much saliva for some reason,” he swallowed again.

“Are you okay Naruto-kun?”

“I’m fine! I was just wondering you know because Tsunade’s party is tonight and Lil Wayne, haha, so you wanna go or something or what?”

Hinata blushed as she realized what he was asking. “Are you asking me out on a date, Naruto-kun?”

Naruto chuckled nervously while scratching his head. “Yeah, well, you know, Tsunade said I had to go to this weird party, and I thought I should take you, ‘cause you know, you’re pretty cool and all.”

“You don’t want to take Sakura?”

“No, I want to go with you.”

Hinata was even redder now. “Sure, I’ll go with you Naruto-kun.”

“Yeah, so it’s at the orphanage at 10:00 pm tonight. Should I come get you then?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool, see ya,” naruto said, and went back home.


	3. The Party

Naruto was sitting on his bed, going over what he had just done.

“I just asked Hinata out,” he announced to the empty room. He was still freaking out about the events of the day. Until this morning all he had done in the village was steal Lee’s money to feed himself and missions around the village, such as cutting the grass, or fixing the plumbing. Now all of a sudden he was going to a dance party. _With Hinata._

He still couldn’t understand why he was freaking out about Hinata so much. She was pretty cool, and she looked real graceful and whatnot whenever she did her jutsus and shit. Oh god what was he thinking? This was so weird. His teenage hormones and shit were all acting up.

Naruto decided to take a shower, since Sasuke had told him he smelled like shit. He may have been joking, but Naruto guessed it wouldn’t hurt to clean himself up a bit. He got up from the bed and headed towards the bathroom. He went in, took off his jumpsuit, and the flowers fell to the floor.

“Oh shit,” Naruto said, picking them up, “I forgot about these. I’ll give them to Hinata tonight.” He put them on the counter, and went into the bathtub. He stood naked in the bathtub, looking real sexy and shit since he was naked. He had manly buttocks and nice looking pectorals and whatnot. His dick was a good five inches flaccid. Also a six pack.

Naruto made a bunch of signs and shouted, “Shower no jutsu!” When that didn’t work he turned on the shower manually. He got wet since the shower was on and was showering him with water. That’s why he was wet. Because of the water.

He got some soap and rubbed it all over his body. All over his chest and buttocks and whatnot, even his feet. He covered every inch of his body with soap. It was Dove soap, not that nasty Zest shit you can get at Sam’s Club which is cheap but sucks. It was fancy shit. Then he took out the fancy shampoo he’d stolen from Rock Lee’s house. He lathered himself good, rinsed, and turned off the shower and got out.

Naruto dried himself off and went to his closet to look for some clothes. There were only orange jumpsuits. “Damn it,” he said, “That’s all I ever wear isn’t it?” What was Naruto going to do? He couldn’t wear a jumpsuit to a dance party! He would look weird, he needed some normal clothes.

Suddenly he had an idea. He took out one of the jumpsuits and put them on, and left his apartment. He wondered if Lee would be home right now. Probably not, since they’re usually practicing at Choji’s house, or doing a concert. He was a rich guy, he was busy.

 

* * *

 

Naruto was headed for Lee’s house, but his stomach growled and he realized he hadn’t eaten anything since he woke up, so he made a detour to Ichiraku Ramen Shop.

“Hey Ossan!” Naruto said as he entered the shop.

“Hey, Naruto!” Teuchi regarded him kindly, “What would you like today?”

“Quadruple pig and squid please!”

“Sure thing,” Teuchi said, and turned around and screamed, “Nayami! Quadruple pig and squid! And don’t mess this one up!”

Naruto saw Kakashi sitting at the end, on his right side. “Kakashi sensei!” Naruto said, and moved beside him.

“Hey Naruto,” Kakashi said, “How’s it going?” His headband was no longer covering his eye, since he no longer had a Sharingan, but he still wore a mask.

“Pretty good. I’m taking Hinata to the dance Tsunade’s hosting tonight.”

Kakashi looked at Naruto in surprised. “Hinata?”

“Yeah,” Naruto said shyly.

Kakashi regarded him. “You like her?”

“Well, sort of, I guess, I don’t know,” he said, looking down and playing with his fingers the same way Hinata did three years ago.

Kakashi smiled kindly. “Well that’s good,” he said quietly, and starting poking at his ramen, not really eating it.

“Quadruple pork and squid!” Teuchi said, and handed Naruto the bowl.

“Itadakimasu!” Naruto said, and started eating. He stopped after a couple of bites and looked down into his bowl.

“What’s wrong?” Teuchi asked, and looked down into his bowl as well. “Goddamnit Nayami! You messed it up again!” he yelled.

“No, it’s fine, really!” Naruto said, not wanting her to get in trouble.

“Sorry about her, she’s new and still learning.” Teuchi explained.

“Oh yeah, your daughter died of the Ebola virus didn’t she?”

“Yep,” Teuchi replied, “She bled her bowels out of her anus and died in her own feces and blood. So I had to hire Nayami.”

“I’m sorry Naruto,” Nayami said.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” Naruto’s quadruple pork and squid had neither pork nor squid in it. Naruto was pretty hungry and was about to dig in anyway, when he heard a strange sound coming from beside him. He turned to see Kakashi weeping. “Kakashi sensei!” Naruto said in surprised, “What’s wrong?”

Kakashi got up and left the shop wiping his eyes with his forearm. Naruto, Teuchi, and Nayami looked at each other. “What happened?” Naruto asked.

“I don’t know,” Teuchi replied, looking just as puzzled as he was.

Naruto got up and chased after him, weirded out since he wasn’t used to seeing his strong-ass sensei crying. He caught up with him in an alley and saw him leaning against the wall, wiping his eyes, sniffling.

“Kakashi sensei! Are you okay?” Naruto asked.

“I’m fine,” he replied, “It’s just, I . . . Nothing. It’s nothing, it’s stupid. Forget it.” Kakashi made some signs and popped away.

“Wait!” Naruto called out, but it was too late. Naruto stood there rubbing his forehead. “What the fuck is going on?”

 

* * *

 

He headed back to Ichiraku Ramen, finished both Kakashi’s and his ramen, paid for them, and started for Lee’s house again.

Once Naruto reached Lee’s house, he went around to the side alley and peeked in through a crack in the window there. He didn’t see anyone. He looked around to make sure no one was watching him, and went into Lee’s house.

He entered his bedroom. There were a couple of guitars in the corner, and posters of Killer Bee on the wall. A picture of Lil Wayne shirtless was tucked into the side of the mirror on the dresser. Naruto smiled. He’d been here so many times before. He went around Lee’s king-sized bed and opened up his huge closet.

Half of the clothes in it were green jumpsuits, but the other half were fancy clothes, such as jeans and shirts and hoodies and shit. He picked out a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. He closed the closet and looked under Lee’s bed. He opened up the box Lee kept under there and took out some more pesos.

He was about to leave when he spotted something on the dresser. He picked up the tape. He hadn’t seen this when he broke in yesterday, did he make new songs? He went through the drawers until he found a cassette player, put the tape in, and put on some headphones and listened. Killer Bee’s voice came on.

_Yo yo yo yo yo! My beats are so sick! My raps are so sick! My everything is sick! I’m sick! Ya fool, ya fool!_

Suddenly Lee joined in.

_Yeah! Ya fool! Ya fool! The flaming monkeys are in the pool! I go with my friends after school! And we smoke weed and stuff! Uh huh!_

The band started playing in the background and Lee and Bee kept singing. Naruto smiled and lay down on Lee’s bed. Lee was singing with Bee huh? He figured he’d listen to the tape for a bit before leaving. A few songs went by and Naruto was listening to Lee cover a Lil Wayne song when he dozed off.

Naruto woke up and threw the cassette player at the dresser before realizing he still had the headphones on. His head got yanked forward and the headphone and cassette player fell to the floor. He looked at the clock on the wall sleepily. 10:05. “Oh shit!” He said, realizing he’d slept too long and was supposed to be picking up Hinata. He took Lee’s clothes with him and leaped out the motherfucking window. He ran back to his apartment and sat there for a minute out of breath. He looked at the clock. 10:10.

He changed as quickly as he could, washed his face, and saw the flowers on the counter. How was he gonna dance if he had to hold flowers? He decided he’d give them to her after the dance. He picked up the flowers in one hand and pointed at them with the other. “Make these flowers smaller no jutsu!” And sure enough, the flowers shrank until he could fit them in the palm of his hands. He put them in his jeans pocket and ran out the door.

 

* * *

 

He ran up to Hinata, who was standing outside the training grounds where he had approached her earlier. He tried to catch his breath. “Sorry . . . I’m late . . .”

“It’s okay,” Hinata replied. Naruto looked at her. She was wearing jeans and a loose fitting blue t-shirt. (Yeah, that’s it, sorry. I don’t know how else to describe her since she’s so ordinary, you know what she looks like, black hair, yada yada, you get the idea. She’s not wearing makeup or anything, because makeup is gross, and usually makes girls look worse.)

“You look good, Hinata-chan,” He said kindly.

“Thanks Naruto-kun, you look good as well. I like what you did with your hair.”

“Haha, thanks!” Naruto wasn’t sure what he’d done with his hair, but he didn’t really care. “Let’s get to the orphanage, we’re pretty late as it is.

They got to the orphanage and went inside. One of Rock Lee’s songs was playing in the background, and there were a shit-ton of people inside dancing like crazy. “Yeah!” Tsunade-the dj on stage-yelled at the crowd, “We’re dancing like crazy! Moving our bodies to the rhythm of the music, that’s we’re doing! Punks! Fuck yeah!”

“Hey, Naruto, Hinata!” They saw Shikamaru heading their way, with Temari by his side.

“Hey,” Naruto and Hinata responded.

“Are we late?” Naruto asked.

“A little, you’re not that late,” Shikamaru replied, “It was supposed to start at 10:00, but for some reason there were a bunch of orphans here, and we had to kick them out.”

“Why were there orphans here? Didn’t they know we were holding a party?” Naruto asked.

“I don’t know, I guess they were fucking idiots or something. Hey, I like what you did with your hair.”

"Uh, thanks," Naruto replied, still not sure what he had done to his hair.

“So,” Temari said, smiling, “You’re with Naruto huh?”

“Yeah,” Hinata replied.

“Interesting.”

Naruto spotted Sakura and Sasuke on the side next to the food. “Sakura-chan!” he waved. She didn’t seem to notice him. He went over to them. “Hey guys!”

“Hey Naruto,” Sakura said, absentmindedly, still not looking at him. She was gazing into Sasuke’s eyes, who was busy looking down at the cup he was holding.

“This lemonade is fucking delicious,” Sasuke said, still looking down at it.

“Hey, do you guys know what’s wrong with Kakashi sensei?” he asked. Sakura kept ignoring him, still looking at sasuke, who was still looking at the cup. “Um, hello?” Naruto said, looking annoyed. They didn’t respond.

“Hey, Hinata,” he said.

“Yeah?”

“Wanna dance?”

“Sure.”

They went on the dance floor. There was a song by Killer Bee playing. Naruto and Hinata looked at how everyone else was dancing and copied them. Lots of movement and shit, I don’t know, you think the author of this knows how to dance? Whatever. So they were moving and dancing and having a good time when the song ended, and a Lil Wayne song came on.

Suddenly everyone stopped how they were dancing, and the girls started rubbing their asses against the guys.

“Um, Naruto?” Hinata said nervously.

Naruto looked around. He spotted Choji and Ino. Ino’s round breasts swung back and forth and her plump butt jiggled up and down against Choji’s dick-area, hitting his fat chest which came over his belt at a rapid pace.

_smack smack smack smack smack smack smack smack_

He could see Temari slowly rubbing her butt against Shikamaru's dick.

“What the fuck,” Naruto stated simply. Hinata looked grossed out. “Say, you wanna get out of here?” Naruto asked.

“Sure,” Hinata said, and they left the orphanage.

 

* * *

 

“Well that was a bit weird,” Naruto said, as they stood outside the orphanage.

“Yeah, it was,” Hinata agreed, “I don’t really like dancing. Not that kind anyways.”

“Yeah. Well that sucked. I was late to pick you up, and after a couple of minutes of dancing we leave. Sorry, Hinata.”

“It’s okay Naruto.”

“Uh, you wanna get some ramen?”

“Sure.”

They walked to Ichiraku Ramen Shop. “Quadruple shrimp and octopus Ossan!”

“Oh, Naruto, Hinata!” Teuchi greeted them, “Are you two on a date?”

“Yeah, we are,” Naruto said, blushing a little.

“Alright! Well have a seat you two. I was just actually about to close down since the whole town seems to be deserted. I haven’t seen anyone around, except for a few orphans wandering the streets, which doesn’t make sense to me. Why would they do that when they can just go to an orphanage?”

“I don’t know,” Naruto replied, “I guess they’re fucking idiots or something.”

“Everyone’s probably at Tsunade’s party, which is why it’s so deserted.” Hinata put in.

“Oh, really? I didn’t even know she was having a party. And what would you like Hinata?”

“Quintuple shark and bear.”

Teuchi whistled. Naruto looked at Hinata with surprise.

“What?” Hinata asked, blushing.

“Nothing, that’s just pretty intense.” Naruto said.

“I like what you did with your hair, Naruto,” Teuchi said.

“Uh, thanks,” Naruto replied.

“Nayami! Fire up the toaster, we got customers! Quadruple shrimp and octopus, quintuple shark and bear! And don’t fuck it up this time!” Teuchi shouted.

“So, Hinata, what’s up?” Naruto said.

“Uh, not much.” Hinata replied.

“Are you liking this so far? The date?”

“Yeah.”

Naruto can usually make conversation fine, but in these peaceful times, talking to a pretty girl he liked, what the fuck was he gonna do?

“How was your day?” he asked.

“Pretty good, I trained, and then I got ready for our date.”

Of course. All she did was train. She’s a ninja.

“Well,” Naruto said, “I was gonna get some ramen when Tsunade called for me with a mission. She said I had to find a date to her dance party. Afterward I went over to Choji’s and Sai showed me some of their new stuff and-”

“Wait, what!?” Hinata, interrupted. She looked ready to cry. “She assigned you a mission to go with me? That’s the only reason you went?”

“Uh, no! Well, yeah, but-”

Before he could say any more Hinata left the shop crying.

“What the fuck is wrong with you!?” Teuchi screamed, “Stop making my customers cry! That’s the second time today!”

“I’m sorry,” Naruto said, and turned to go after her.

 

* * *

 

“Hinata-chan, wait!” He caught up to her near the corner of the street. “Wait!”

Hinata turned around and Naruto saw tears streaming down her cheeks. “Why would you toy with my feelings like that? Why would you choose me when you know how I feel about you? Just because Sakura was already taken? Well your stupid mission is over, so you can leave me alone now!” She covered her face with both hands and kept sobbing.

“Hinata-chan, I’m sorry! I didn’t ask you because Sakura was already taken, I didn’t even ask her. Tsunade gave me a mission so I took you, because I like you. I didn’t think it would suck. And I tried to treat you to ramen. Look, I know I’m an idiot and this whole thing was a disaster. I thought it's cool how you're so courageous, like that time you tried to save me when I was fighting Pain. Sakura wouldn't have done that. I really like you Hinata.”

Hinata wiped her tears. “Really?”

“Yes.” Naruto took out the flowers in his pocket and made them bigger. “Here,” he said, and held them out to her.

She took them. “Thank you, these are really pretty,” she said, and hugged him.

He could feel her breasts push against his chest. He smelled her hair, it smelled super-nice. He took her hand. “Can I at least walk you home?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she said, and they walked to wherever the fuck it is the hyuuga clan lives in the village holding hands.

“I enjoyed dancing with you,” Hinata said when they were almost there, “At least until it got weird and all the girls started grinding against the guys. Sorry for overreacting.”

“It’s okay, it’s my fault for taking you on such a shitty date, I’ll try harder next time Hinata-chan.”

Hinata placed her free hand on Naruto’s pectorals and kissed him gently on the cheek. “Thank you, Naruto-kun.”

She went home, and Naruto stood there, blushing like fuck.


	4. Kakashi's Secret

Around the same time Tsunade’s party was taking place, Kakashi had wandered into an alley in an obscure corner of the village and passed out drunk.

He woke up with Might Guy, Lee’s former sensei, shaking him. He seemed concerned.

“Kakashi, are you okay?” his voice seemed loud as fuck. Kakashi grabbed his head in pain. He looked at the bottle in his hand. Lee’s Brand Vodka. He examined his surrounding. An alley. He was leaning against a dumpster in some narrow alley. It smelled like fuck. It was daytime. “Kakashi!”

“Shhh!” Kakashi said softly, “My head hurts . . .”

Guy sat down next to Kakashi. “Why are you doing this friend?” he whispered.

Kakashi looked like he would start to cry. “Naruto told me yesterday that he liked Hinata. It triggered me again. I went home and drank like fuck, and I kept drinking like fuck walking around and ended up here. How’d you even find me?” Kakashi asked, still whispering.

“I’ve been stalking you. But that’s not the point. Why did what Naruto said affect you like this?” Guy seemed confuse, but sudden understanding flashed across his face, “Kakashi, is this about when you were a kid?”

Kakashi squeezed his eyes closed, and one small tear came out of each, wetting his mask. He wiped them off. “It’s just,” his voice broke, “It’s just that it’s been a year, and the war is over. And, I don’t know what to do. I remember when I was-”

“When you were a black boy?” Guy asked gently.

Kakashi nodded.

Kakashi had a disease. Michael Jackson Disease, or MJitis for short. He was born black, and his skin slowly turned white over time. In fact, part of it was so white, that he had to wear a mask, so he didn’t hurt anyone’s eyes. Being black doesn’t seem that bad, but it was. This was Konoha, he was the only black boy, and everyone made fun of him for it. Over time, as he became white, they stopped. But the scars of pain are still embedded in him. He remembers how they made fun of him and it makes him think that he’s too ugly to ever find a partner. They killed his self esteem.

He had hidden his scars away since he became a shinobi and had to do all this shit, but in these times of peace, hearing that even Naruto found someone, it started to hurt again. So he drank in an attempt to forget.

Guy looked at Kakashi intensely. “Kakashi, you’re not black anymore. And even if you were, that wouldn’t matter. That was a long time ago, and they were just kids.”

Kakashi got up and started walking away.

“Kakashi! Don’t walk away from your rival!”

“Kakashi turned around, the bottle of vodka still in his hand.” Guy, I’m sorry, I don’t have time for nonsense, I’m feeling like crap right now.”

“I’m trying to help you!”

“What? Are we gonna challenge me to rock paper scissors? Huh? Will that make me feel so much better?”

Suddenly Guy started to smile. “Who said anything about rock paper scissors? I wanna play rock paper _fuck_ baby!” And he took off all of his clothes super fast and threw them in the dumpster. He stood before Kakashi, completely naked.

Kakashi dropped his bottle of vodka and it shattered on the ground, shards of glass spread  across the ground along with the the small amount of vodka that was left in it. He stared at Guy with shock. His entire body was completely smooth and shiny, except for his dick, which had a huge amount of pubes above it. Guy’s nuts sagged a full inch under his dick, which was a mere three inches at the moment.

Guy started to walk toward Kakashi. His muscular body moved and his nuts swung with such grace, that Kakashi started to blush, although you couldn’t see it under his mask. He started to move back, but suddenly he hit something. He turned around and saw a wall. This alley was a dead end. He turned and saw Guy about a foot away from him and jumped.

“Kakashi, you’re beautiful. Do you hear me?”

Kakashi was blushing so hard now, his entire face was red, and very noticeable. Guy unzipped Kakashi’s jacket. He threw the jacket on the ground and hugged Kakashi. Kakashi blushed like fuck. He could feel Guy’s glistening pectorals against his skinny chest. He liked it. Guy leaned forward, and kissed Kakashi on the lips, through his mask.

Pretty soon Kakashi was completely naked, except for his mask, and his tight little skinny body was leaning against Guy’s big muscular one. Their dicks touched. Kakashi’s testicles didn’t sag, and his was erect, about seven inches. He used to be black. Guy’s dick was six inches erect, but much thicker than Kakashi’s. Kakashi’s ass was white and skinny, while Guy’s was a muscular many butt. They moved back and forth, rubbing their dicks together, and Kakashi was breathing a bit harder now as Guy smiled.

Suddenly Guy turned around and leaned against the brick wall that ended the alley, Kakashi’s butt against his erect dick. Guy rubbed the underside of his dick against Kakashi’s bare ass, and he reached up and rubbed Kakashi’s nipples with his fingers. Kakashi was blushing like as fuck as Guy leaned over his shoulder and whispered into his ear, “How’s that feel?”

“Good,” Kakashi said quietly. His hangover was gone now, he was very much enjoying what was happening.

“Bend over,” Guy whispered, and Kakashi obeyed. Guy took Kakashi’s hands by his wrists and pulled on them.

Kakashi yelped like a dog as Guy inserted his thick throbbing shaft into his anal sphincter.

Guy started thrusting, and with each thrust Kakashi yelped, his mouth open, not believing what was happening. “OOHHH!” He screamed in pleasure and joy as Guy started thrusting his thick dick into his ass faster and faster. “FASTER! OH GUY!! FUCK ME FASTER!!!”

Guy obeyed and thrust his dick out of Kakashi’s anus faster and faster. His nuts slapped against Kakashi’s ass. He started to grunt and Kakashi moaned in pleasure. He grunt faster and Kakashi closed his eyes breathing faster and faster and moaning louder than ever.. It felt so good. “OH GOD! PLEASE!!” he begged, “FUCK ME FASTER GUY!”

Guy grabbed Kakashi by his waist and held him in the air, fearing if he kept holding his arm he’d break his shoulder. “FIFTH GATE, OPEN!!!” Guy shouted and turned red as fuck, his dick hair grew, though his dick didn’t. He thrust so fast, his nuts slapping against Kakashi’s butt looked like several nuts slapping against Kakashi’s butt. Like when you wave you hand fast in front of your face it looks like it’s in more than one place.

Kakashi had been screaming and moaning loud as fuck up to this point, but this time he was screaming and moaning louder than fuck. Might Guy was fucking him faster than the speed of fucking sound. Kakashi realized that he didn’t need to be given a reach around, since the vibrations from Guy’s fifth gate level fucking went through his dick and balls, as well as his entire body, with each thrust. It was over in five seconds, but those five seconds were the longest and most joyous of Kakashi, and Guy’s life. After five seconds Guy came in Kakashi’s ass and it spewed out and the warm liquid covered Guy’s butt, thighs, and legs, all the way down to his toes. And Kakashi’s sperm shot up forty five meters high and came down on both of them in a shower. They lie in each other’s embrace, covered in the warm, odorous liquid.

Kakashi was still on Guy’s dick, and Guy’s dick, limp now, was still in Kakashi’s bum. He didn’t take it out. It felt good. It felt as if they were one whole being, instead of two separate ones. They felt together, more together than all their years of rivalry had made them feel. Kakashi started to cry. Guy cradled him in his arms like a baby. “Shh” he whispered into his ear, “It’s okay Kakashi. I know how hard it was for you being a black boy. But it’s okay now. You deserved this.” Kakashi pressed his face against Guy’s now sweaty-yet still majestic-pectorals and sighed.

“Thank you Guy,” Kakashi whispered, and soon fell asleep again. Pretty soon after that Guy fell asleep as well. And there they lay in each other’s embrace. Two naked men covered in cum.

 

* * *

 

Teuchi handed the customer the bowl with a smile on his face. “Double pork and eagle!”

The customer looked down at his bowl in disappointment.

“What’s wrong?” Teuchi asked, and looked down into the bowl as well. “Goddamnit! You messed it up again Nayami!”

“It’s fine, whatever,” the customer muttered and left.

Teuchi pulled the chain at the side of the shop and the metal thingamabob came down. He walked to the sink and threw the ramen in it. “This is just noodles!” he said, aggravated, “There’s no pork or eagle in it! You can’t keep doing this! We might as well close up if we can’t even make ramen.’

Nayami stood by the counter covered in flour, and looked down at it. “I’m sorry,” she said, ashamed.

“Why? Why can’t you learn?” Teuchi asked.

Nayami walked over to Teuchi, and ran her hand across his forearm.

Teuchi backed up a little in shock. “What are you doing?” he asked, confused.

Nayami got closer to him, still holding his arm. “Teuchi, I have a problem.” she whispered.

“What?” he asked, confused more than ever.

“I can’t stop thinking about having sex. With you. It’s probably why I’m not making the ramen right. I just can’t stop thinking about it.” She slipped her hand inside his robe and grabbed his hairy old-man tit. She blushed and moved in for a kiss.

Teuchi felt her soft hand squeeze his tit. He felt her lips brush against his. His dick stiffened a little.

“What the fuck?” a voice outside said, and someone banged against the metal thingamabob.

“It’s probably a customer,” Teuchi stammered, backing up and causing one of the pots in the sink to fall to the floor and make a shit-ton of noise. “We should stop this.” Nayami wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight. He looked down at her swelling breasts, barely fitting in her robe. He looked at her. Her brown hair and her pretty face. He swallowed.

“I thought you said we’d have to close up if I didn’t learn to make ramen?” she whispered, leaning in for another kiss.

Teuchi backed up until he hit the wall. “Nayami,  don’t,” he tried saying, shocked as fuck. Nayami undid his robe. She wrapped her arms around his wrinkly, hairy old-man chest, and pressed herself tight against him. She pressed her lips against his and slipped her tongue into his mouth, and for the first time in years, Teuchi’s old-man dick was rock hard.

Teuchi gave in. He kissed her back, wrapping his arms around her neck. And they stood there for a good twenty minutes, kissing each other, exploring each other’s mouths with their tongues. Once they stopped Teuchi wiped his chin, which was covered in saliva, and stared at her. She was blushing hard, and so was he. She undid her robe, and her huge tits fell out. They weren’t tsunade-huge, but they were pretty big.

Teuchi grabbed her tits and squeezed them greedily as he turned and pushed her against the wall. She winced with pleasure at her huge tits being handled like that. He continued to kiss her, much harder this time, burrowing deep in her mouth with his tongue. She reached down and lowered his underwear, running her fingers through his pubes. She found his cock and squeezed, allowing another bit of cum to come out of the tip. They were both wet as fuck now, and their underwear was stained.

They stopped kissing and took off their underwear, leaving it on the floor. Teuchi saw her nice, tight-looking pussy. He noticed she had no pubic hair. Nayami looked at Teuchi’s cock. Five inches, pretty thick. It curved upward a bit. Teuchi grabbed her ass and kept kissing her, but Nayami pushed him away. Teuchi watched as she walked over to the middle of the floor and lay down. She spread her legs, her robe underneath her, and she said, “Come.”

Teuchi went over to her and lay on top of her. He ran his hands across her belly and up to her tits. He squeezed. He ran them down again, and laid them on her thigh. And then moved onto her cunt and slipped his finger in. Nayami had a sharp intake of breath. Teuchi took his finger out and licked. He kissed her some more, rubbing his dick against her pussy.

He slipped it in, and they both gasped. Nayami was finally getting her wish, and Teuchi, who hadn’t felt the touch of a woman in years, cried with happiness. He thrust into her, over and over, for a good five minutes. He heard her moans and cries of happiness, her irregular breathing. And unbelievably, after five minutes, they orgasmed simultaneously. He heard her gasp as she came, and he sighed with satisfaction and came as well. They both lay against each other, tired and satisfied, as they felt the warm liquid running down their thighs. Pretty soon they both fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

The black limo stopped in front of the large blue structure that housed the Raikage. The door opened and Lee emerged from it. He was wearing sunglasses and a purple jacket with purple pants. He entered the building and approached the lady at the front desk. He removed his sunglasses and said,”I’m here to see Killer Bee.”

The lady at the front desk gasped. “Oh my god! Rock lee! I love your music!” She screamed, “I’ll send him right down for you!” She picked up the phone and said, “Bee-sama, Rock Lee is here to-” Before she could even finish Killer Bee jumped through the ceiling and landed right on the desk, and the lady jumped back in surprise. He was wearing a purple suit with a pink tie.

“Yo, Lee!” Bee said, hopping down from the desk and approaching him.

“Yo, Bee!” Lee replied, and they fist bumped.

“Yo, Lee, I like your outfit brotha! I see you got anotha!” Bee rapped.

“Yo, Bee, I know it’s pretty fly! And by the by, your suit looks pretty good, no lie!” Lee rapped back.

The lady at the desk watched the exchange in amazement.

“Yo, Lee, so how’d it go with the tape you recorded with me? What’ll happen, will it become a cd?”

“Yo, Bee, it went great with the tape we recorded togetha! It’ll be sold as a cd and we’ll be drowning in money foreva! When we’re separate we’re still a great hit! Once we join together, people will lose their shit!”

“Yo, that’s what’s up!” They fist bumped again.

“Okay,” Lee said, no longer rapping, “But first we have to do concerts to promote our new work!"

“Okay! We’ll do a buncha concerts, and pack a punch, like POW! What are we waiting for? Let’s do em now!”

“We’ll have to head to Konoha. We can take my limo, we’ll get there by tonight. And we’ll have one the day after tomorrow!”

“BEE!” a voice roared from above, “WHY ARE THERE HOLES IN THE FLOORS!?”

“Oh shit!” Bee said, “We gotta get the fuck outta here fast! If my brother catches us, we won’t last!”

They ran outside and got in Lee’s Limo. “Step on it!” Lee yelled to the driver. There was no one there.

“Yo, why won’t the limo drive? If my brother catches us, we won’t survive!”

Iruka got in the drivers seat, and looked behind through through the window apologetically. “Sorry,” he explained, “I’ve been driving a while and decided to take a quick piss, since I had to go.”

“We gotta have a concert, don’t let my brother catch us!” Bee continued, “Hurry up and drive, Burt, otherwise he’ll smash us!”

“My name’s not burt,” Iruka said, and the Raikage had exited the building now and was coming their way.

“I don’t give a fuck man, not a lot rhymes with Iruka! Now hurry up, or we’ll fucking die! Ya fool! Ya fool!”

Iruka stepped on it, and Raikage tried to punch the limo but missed. He kept chasing after them, but slipped on Iruka’s piss. Iruka had floored it, and got away in the nick of time. I just realized this isn’t dialogue, and I don’t have to rhyme.

Iruka drove the limo fast as fuck and started down the side of the mountain.

“Goddamnit Bee!” the Raikage shouted, still laying in Iruka’s urine.

“Alright! That’s what I’m talking bout!” Bee said, high fiving Lee.

“Alright, now how bout I smoke you out?” Lee finished.

They both smoked weed in the limo, wearing their sexy purple outfits, and Iruka rolled up the window, headed for Konoha.


	5. Choji's Apartment

At the same time Kakashi was getting fucked by Guy, Naruto woke up. He yawned and looked at the clock. 10:00 am. He got up and went to the bathroom for a piss. He went to wash his face and looked in the mirror. He saw the white t-shirt he was wearing. Suddenly the events of the previous night came rushing back to him. He remembered how good Hinata had looked. He remembered how she ordered Quintuple shark and bear. He felt himself blush. He remembered her kissing his cheek. He remembered the smell of her hair.

“I think I’m in love,” he said to himself. “Oh my god, I think I’m in love. Oh my god!” He was freaking out. Gripping the sink, smiling and giggling. He was screaming. “Oh my god! I think I’m in love!”

“We get it, you’re in love!”

Naruto screamed, this time out of fright, and fell back against the wall. He looked around frantically. “Who said that?” He asked.

Kiba stuck his head out of the bathtub. “Dude, I have a headache” he said sleepily, “You mind keeping it down? Ooh, nice hair by the way.”

“Kiba!? What are you doing in my house? Why are you in my bathtub?”

“I’ve been investigating,” he explained reasonably, “There’s been suspicious activity around town lately.”

Naruto looked annoyed. “The only one suspicious here is you! What kind of suspicious activity requires you to break into my house!? And it looks like you just got drunk and passed out! Why is there a bottle of vodka in your hand?”

Kiba looked at the bottle in his hand. _Lee’s Brand Vodka - Just one sip can give you a 19 hour hangover!_ It had a picture of Lee giving a thumbs up. “Dude, this is just lemonade. And you left your door open, you should be glad I closed it, anyone could have gotten in.”

Naruto pointed at the door. “Get the fuck out,” he said.

“Fine,” Kiba said, and got up and left the apartment, shutting the door behind him.

Naruto stood there for a moment, still shocked at having his privacy invaded. Kiba had seen him like that. “People really shouldn’t break into each other’s houses,” he said, quite ironically.

He turned to face himself in the mirror. His hair was silky smooth, like Hinata’s. He took his fingers and brushed it to the side. “So that’s why they were complimenting my hair,” he muttered.

You may not know this, but Naruto’s hair is the opposite of most people’s. If he sleeps, it gets soft and silky smooth, and he has to comb it to make it messy. Yesterday he had slept in Lee’s apartment and forgot to comb his hair after waking up, since he was in such a hurry.

“Well, if Hinata likes it, I guess I’ll keep it,” he said to himself, smiling.

 

* * *

 

Naruto knocked on the door three times, and waited. Pretty soon someone opened the door.

“Sai!”

“Hey Naruto,” Sai said real mellow-like. His eyes were red, there was smoke coming out of the apartment, and he had a joint in his hand. “What brings you here?”

“Nothing, I was just bored.”

“Yeah,” Sai replied, “That’s been happening a lot lately since the war ended. Well come on in, we’ll smoke you out.” He opened the door, and Naruto walked in.

Choji’s apartment was filled with smoke, and the lights were dim. For some reason Choji used red lights in his apartment instead of regular ones. The red lights in the room filled with smoke gave it a real ominous glow. There didn’t seem to be any doors in the apartment, Naruto saw bead curtains on the side leading to other rooms. Choji sat on the couch, munching on a bag of chips, a joint in his other hand. He was leaning back, looking pretty relaxed, but the speed at which he ate the chips was insane. Naruto looked around and saw there were bags of chips all along the floor as well. At least a dozen.

“Well,” Sai said, sitting on the couch and kicking his feet up on the glass table, “Sit.”

Naruto went around the couch and sat next to Sai. He couldn’t sit with Choji since he was taking up most of the couch, and the part he wasn’t taking up was filled bags of chips. “So,” Naruto said, “How’s it going Choji?”

“Pretty . . . good.” Choji said, in between bites.

“Don’t worry about him, he’s eating,” Sai explained.

“Uh, okay,” Naruto replied. He was looking at the table. There was a pile of marijuana in the middle, which was pretty huge. There were lighters, blunts, rolling papers, inhalers, and some cigarette boxes spread throughout the table. Choji had just finished his bag of chips and was on to his next one . . . and then his next one. He took about three puffs per bag. He was eating much more than he was smoking.

“So, you ever smoke before?” Sai asked, finishing his joint and rolling up another.

“No,” Naruto admitted.

Sai rolled two joints and handed one to Naruto. He took one of the lighters, lit his, and inhaled. He handed the lighter to Naruto. Naruto held the lighter to the end of the joint.

“So,” Naruto said, “What have you been doing lately? Besides smoking weed, I mean.”

Sai took a puff, leaned back, looked up at the ceiling, and exhaled. “Practice my bass guitar. Pretty much all I do is smoke weed and practice my bass guitar.”

Naruto was about to respond, but he realized his face was on fire. “AAAAAUUUGGHH!” he screamed in agony. Choji stopped eating his chips for a second and looked at Naruto unkindly. It took Sai a second to register what was happening but when he did he slapped the fire off Naruto’s face.

Naruto’s lips got burnt from the fire and stung from Sai’s slap. The ashes of the joint lay in his lap, and he brushed them off quickly so his jeans wouldn’t be ruined. “Ow,” he said quietly.

“Dude,” Sai started to explain as Choji began eating his chips again, “This is a mellow sanctuary, don’t set yourself on fire. That kills the mood.”

“Sorry, I guess I didn’t light it right,” Naruto said sullenly.

Sai sighed and got up, “Hang on,” he said, setting his joint on the table. He took a handful of weed from the pile and left the room through one of the bead curtains on the side.

Naruto looked at Choji. He had eaten about seven since he came here and had two more to go. Naruto watched this amazing beast finish the last two huge bags in less than forty seconds, and burp loudly for about ten. Choji laid on his side when he finished and fell instantly asleep.

Sai came back after a couple of minutes. he set the device on the table and handed the long tube attached to it to Naruto.

“What’s this?” Naruto asked, taking the tube.

“A hookah, just suck on this thing and you’ll be fine.” he explained, and got his joint and started smoking again.

Naruto sucked on the tube. He coughed a little at first, but he stopped after the first three or four times. It was pretty simple, just inhale and hold the smoke in your lungs, then exhale. After a minute or two he said “Hey Sai,”

“Yeah?”

“Where’s Lee? How come he’s not smoking?” Naruto asked.

“Oh,” Sai said, “He’s on a business trip to Kumogakure. I think he’s meeting with Killer-”

Suddenly Naruto burst out laughing. And he kept laughing. “Ha ha ha ha! Hee hee hee hoo hoo! Sorry, I don’t know what’s HA HA HA!”

Sai smiled at Naruto. After a while Naruto settled down. “Sai, this place is pretty chill.”

“Thanks Naruto,” Sai replied.

“I bet Hinata would love this.”

“Hinata?”

“Yeah. I went on a date with her yesterday. She’s totally cool and sexy.”

“You’re totally cool and sexy, Naruto,” Sai remarked.

“What a weird thing to say!” Naruto said, and they both laughed.

Naruto found himself in a weird place. It was a dark red room filled with smoke. Choji was sleeping on the couch in front of him. Sai was kicked back with his feet on the table next to him. Naruto looked around the ominous room. Bead curtains. Bags of chips. Weed.

“I like what you did with your hair,” Sai said to him.

Naruto stared at him. “How long am I and where has it been?” He felt weird and paranoid.

“Haha, what?” Sai asked.

“Nothing, sorry. This weed is making me feel weird.”

“It’s cool bro, just chill.”

Sai resumed smoking. Naruto noticed he was smoking a blunt now. He looked around the room again, in amazement. Everything seemed weird and different. It looked the same, but it just looked deeper. And at the same time it all looked flat. It was as if the eye of his mind’s face had been opened right under his nose. Fucking weird man. He looked down at his hands. They seemed detached, he seemed detached. They looked like someone else’s hands. He saw the hands bring the tube up to his face and sucked. Everything seemed a million miles away yet awfully close at the same time. He lost all sense of time. It seemed like each second took an hour to go by, but each hour was like, no more than a second, man.

“Naruto,” Sai said.

“Hmm?” Naruto turned to look at him.

“This is how you light it,” he said, and demonstrated himself lighting a new blunt. “Just light the end and suck, pretty simple right?”

“Yeah?”

“Cool,” sai took one of the big cigarette boxes from the table and tossed it to Naruto.

“Cigarettes?” Naruto asked.

“Weed,” Sai explained, “Pre-rolled, I usually sell them but since you’re a friend you can have ‘em.”

“Dude” Naruto said, “I can’t take this for free.” He took out some of Rock Lee’s cash and handed it to Sai.

“How’d you get so many pesos?”

“Oh, you know, missions and stuff,” Naruto found himself lying about stealing from Lee now. He’d lied to Hinata as well. He figured it wasn’t wise to go around town admitting to this kind of stuff.

“Cool man, that’s pretty chill,” Sai began to count the pesos, looking cool as fuck with the cigar still in his mouth.

Naruto put the tube on the table, picked up the cigarette box, and got a lighter. He shrank the box like he did with the flowers and put them both in his pocket. “I should be heading off now Sai,” he said.

“I’ll see you around Naruto,” Sai replied, and spanked Naruto on the ass as he left. Naruto turned to look at him and Sai smirked.

 

* * *

 

Naruto left Choji’s apartment, still pretty high, and headed for Ichiraku Ramen. Twice on the way there he ended up forgetting what he was doing and wandering around, but he finally reached it around 4 pm.

It was closed. “What the fuck?” he said out loud, and knocked loudly on the metal thingamabob. He heard what sounded like pots and pans crashing inside. He listened closely. He didn’t hear anything. He sighed and left.

He was on his way home when Konohamaru’s friend Udon ran into him and started pulling at his shirt. “Naruto! Tsunade wants you!”

“Goddamnit!” Naruto screamed, still pretty stoned. “I’m hungry as fuck man, don’t touch me!”

“Sorry,” Udon said, “But Tsunade’s been looking for you. She has a mission.”

“Fine,” Naruto sighed, and headed for the Hokage Residence.

Naruto waited as Tsunade talked on the phone.

“Well put them in the orphanage then! . . . I don’t know, I guess they’re fucking idiots or something, just put em in there. They shouldn’t be wandering around.” She hung up. “Naruto, where have you been? I sent for you four hours ago! Nice hair by the way.”

“If I’d known so many people would like it, I wouldn’t have bothered combing my hair all those years,” Naruto said, blinking his tired red eyes at Tsunade.

“Wow, that’s silky as fuck. I mean seriously. And your eyes, I swear, if you face was a bit skinnier and your hair was silver, you would look just like Gintoki. That’s pretty hot.” Tsunade commented, “Hey, what’s that smell? And why are your lips burnt?”

“Did you call me here for a reason?” Naruto asked.

“Yes, I have a mission for you. You have to pick all the crops beside the village and take them to the warehouse. There’s hoes and wheelbarrows laid out for you. I’m sure you could make clones to make it go faster, be careful though, you don’t have the nine-tails anymore, don’t use too much chakra.”

“What? You don’t have anyone else to that? Seems like a lot of work for one guy.”

“We usually have farmers do that, but they’re all sick currently.” Tsunade explained.

“Ebola?”

“No, AIDS.”

“Oh, well that sucks.”

“Yes, Shizune’s healing them with some other medical ninja currently. But it’ll take a while since it’s fucking AIDS, so you have to get all the crops. The village is relying on you Naruto.”

“I don’t wanna,” Naruto whined.

“Goddamnit Naruto!” Tsunade slammed her fist on the desk. “What the fuck is the matter with you!?”

“Sorry, I’m a bit tired is all. Didn’t think you’d give me another mission today. You haven’t for a while, since the hedge clipping incident.”

“Do you want to keep stealing from Lee?”

Naruto looked surprised. “You know about that?”

“It doesn’t matter how sneaky you are if you go around town telling everyone that you steal from him.”

Naruto hung his head in shame. Tsunade was right. He really needed to earn his own money. He couldn’t keep stealing from Lee. “I accept.”

“And change your clothes! You’re not gonna work in that are you?”

Naruto looked down and saw he was still wearing the t-shirt and jeans he wore to the dance. “No,” he said, “I’ll change.”

“Cool! That’s what I’m talking about punk! Now get your ass out there!”

 

* * *

 

Hinata tried to block her father’s attacks, but couldn’t seem to. She was doing alright the day before yesterday, but she was too distracted lately. She couldn’t stop thinking about Naruto.

“Come on Hinata! If we suddenly get attacked by aliens or some shit, how will you defend yourself?” Her father said to her, “Focus now!”

She tried to, but couldn’t. He got a few more hits on her. “Hinata!”

“Sorry!” She said, and hung her head in shame.

“You were doing great up to this point, and all of a sudden you’re fucking up. What’s wrong?”

“I’m just a bit distracted, sorry.”

Her father studied her. “Does it have something to do with where you went off to last night?”

Hinata hung her head even lower. “So you noticed.”

“Don’t think you can put anything over me young lady,” he said, looking at her disapprovingly.

“Well, there was a dance last night . . .”

Hiashi’s eyes widened. “Is it a boy?”

“Yes,” Hinata said, hanging her head even lower.

“Come with me!” Hiashi said, and Hinata flinched. Hiashi led her into the dojo, and into the dining room. He pointed at the table. “Sit,” he ordered. She did. “You went on a date, with a boy?” he asked.

“Yes,” Hinata replied.

Suddenly Hiashi started jumping up and down, giggling. “Oh my god, why didn’t you tell me!? Okay, just hang on! Let me get the coffee and cookies ready!” He went over to the kitchen and started getting the coffee and cookies. He had a big smile on his face, and looked really excited. Hinata stared at him confusedly.

“Okay,” Hiashi said, bringing two cups of coffee and a plate of cookies and setting them on the table. Hinata took one, dipped it in, and took a bite nervously. Hiashi was sitting in front of her, resting his head in his hands with his elbows positioned on the table, he looked at her expectantly. “Well, go on girlfriend! Tell me all about it!”

Hinata hesitated, taking another cookie to eat. “Well,” she began, “The other day I was training by myself and Naruto came.”

“Naruto! OMG!” Hiashi screamed, spitting crumbs of cookies all over the table as he did. He was excited as fuck.

Hinata looked at her father in surprise..

“Sorry,” he said, “Go on.”

“Well,” Hinata continued, “Naruto’s hair looked really nice, silky and whatnot. And he was wearing jeans and this tight fitting white t-shirt, and you could see the shape of his muscles . . .” Hinata started to blush.

“Oh girl! That’s so sexy!” Hiashi commented, and took a sip of coffee.

“Well,” Hinata continued, “We went to Tsunade’s dance party, and there were a lot of people and they were dancing, so me and Naruto started dancing as well. It was cool at first and I enjoyed it, but then . . .”

“BUT THEN?” Hiashi was leaning over the table now, all up in Hinata’s face, his face filled with anticipation. “BUT THEN WHAT HAPPENED?”

Hinata backed up, a little freaked out. “But then all the girls started grinding their butts against the guys' . . . dick areas. I guess it was a dance move or something.”

Hiashi was back in his seat. “Gross,” he said.

“Yeah,” Hinata agreed, “So me and Naruto left, and he decided to treat me to some ramen.”

“Well that was nice of him!”

“Yeah, and he told me that he had gone to the dance with me because Tsunade assign him a mission, and I cried and ran away.”

Hiashi gasped, stunned at this turn of events. “That dick!”

“But then he caught up to me, explained that it wasn’t because of the mission that he chose me, and that he actually liked me a lot, and he handed me pretty yellow flowers, that I’m still keeping by the window in my room.” Hinata was looking down at her hands and blushing pretty hard.

Hiashi gasped once again at the sudden turn of events, “Maybe he’s not such a dick after all!”

“So, he walked me home holding my hand, and promised me he’d take me on a better date some other time, and I kissed him on the cheek.”

“OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!” Hiashi was jumping up and down all around the room, freaking the fuck out. “My daughter! A kiss! OMG OMG OMG YES YES YES!”

Hinata stared at him. She thought he would have been angry, but this was far scarier.

“Fuck the aliens!” he shouted suddenly, a crazed look in his eyes, “My daughter has a boyfriend! A motherfucking boyfriend! Fuck training, there’s no point anyway! GO! GO HINATA! GO TO HIM!”

Hinata stared at her father, incredulous. “Dad, you need to calm down.”

Hiashi Hyuuga took a bunch of fucking deep-ass breaths and tried to calm himself. “Okay, you’re right,” he said slowly, ”But I will no longer have you training! Go do whatever! Be a girl! Experience love! Go!”

Hiashi started eating the cookies and coffee again as Hinata went to her room, glad she didn’t have to train so much anymore. She filled up the vase she kept Naruto’s flowers in with some more water, and lay down in bed and drifted off to sleep thinking about him. The way he confessed his interest in her. The way he wasn’t sure what to say and kept blushing. His silky hair . . .

 

* * *

 

Naruto was back in his jumpsuit. He had made ten shadow clones. That had seemed reasonable. He made them eat a bunch of the crops, since he hadn’t eaten since this morning, and, still pretty stoned, he started working. He and his clones picked the crops and carried them over to the warehouse. The sun started to set, and he kept working. As he worked he kept thinking about Hinata. He thought about the way her breasts pressed against him when she hugged him. He thought about the smell of her hair and how soft her hand was when he held it. Her lips pressing against his cheek . . .


	6. Lee's Arrival

Iruka unzipped his pants and took out his dick. It was pretty cold out here in the first place, and Iruka’s penis wasn’t that huge in the first place. In the end all he got out was the tip of his dick, and there was so much foreskin and his zipper was pretty narrow, so he couldn’t really aim. It ended up spraying in front of him at about a forty-five degree angle upward. He had to back up a little since it was making quite a large pool. He had drunk about five cups of coffee throughout the last fourteen hours he’d been driving Lee to and from Kumo, and he’d had very few breaks. He finished with a sigh, relieved as fuck, and tucked his dick back in.

Lee and Bee had woken up a few minutes ago, they had slept for most of the ride from Kumo.

The clock in the limo said 11:30. They weren’t far from Konoha, almost there. Lee opened the back door in the limo and he and Bee got out as Iruka was getting in. “I have to take a piss as well Iruka, hang on!” he explained.

“Alright!” Iruka answered, in the driver’s seat now.

Lee and Bee stood on the opposite side of the car to where Iruka had pissed and started pissing themselves. Lee’s was a magnificent five inches placid, even in this cold weather, and Killer Bee’s was a mere two and a half.

“Yo, how much I had in me, you wouldn’t believe! I can tell you right now, I’m relieved!” Bee rapped.

“Yo, that’s what’s up!” Lee replied, and they fist bumped with their free hands, their other hands still on their dicks. Once they finished, they shook their dicks dry, and tucked them back in, and headed back to the limo.

The limo was dark except for one light on in the back where Lee and Bee were sitting. Bee lit another blunt and smoked it. He leaned back and put his feet up on the seats on the opposite side of the limo. He exhaled and stared out the window, looking up at the stars. They felt the limo start moving again.

“Yo, Lee, you ever look up at the stars? Realize how beautiful they are? They way they spin in the sky, up so motherfucking high? Sometimes I wish I could go up there and touch on of them. Shining forever in the night sky, like a bright-ass fucking gem.” Bee whispered, entranced by the beauty of the night sky.

Lee was in the very back seat, lying with his head against the same side of the limo Bee was sitting in, the limo door in between them. “Yo,” Lee replied, “I don’t know about that. But our purple outfits are sexy as fuck.”

Bee closed his eyes and nodded, as though Lee had said something provocative. “True dat,” he said, and they fist bumped.

 

* * *

 

Naruto wandered through the empty streets of Konoha. The village was deserted, so it was safe to assume they put those fucking idiots back in the orphanage.  His jumpsuit, his hands, and his feet were caked with dirt. Most of the effects of the weed had worn off, but it was making him tired as fuck. Not to mention the fact that he had just worked for seven hours straight. He didn’t feel the time pass by that slowly, his mind was preoccupied with thoughts of Hinata, but he was exhausted, physically speaking. He needed energy. He needed food.

Naruto had worked a total of seventy hours, if you take into account his ten shadow clones. He remembered when he released them, and all the exhaustion concentrated into one body. He thought he would collapse. It was a wonder he didn’t, especially considering how he didn’t have the nine-tails's chakra anymore. He still had amazing stamina. He managed to wander into the village, in a daze, but he wasn’t sure he could get much farther.

He climbed someone’s fence and snuck into their backyard, trying not to make noise. He found their garden hose, and turned it on. He didn’t even waterfall, he took the end of it and sucked on it greedily, like the way you would suck a cock. His eyes were closed and he sucked and sucked for a full five minutes straight and when he stopped he thought he would pass out. Water usually didn’t taste that great, but after seventy hours of work, it was euphoric.

No longer in a daze, but still hungry as fuck, Naruto turned off the hose and climbed back over the fence. He looked off into the distance and saw a single light on in the dark village. He went toward the light, like a dude in the desert who had been lost for hours and came upon an oasis. At first Naruto thought it was a mirage, but he came closer and closer and saw that it wasn’t. Ichiraku Ramen. It was open. Naruto blinked, thinking he was hallucinating. Nope, still there.

Suddenly he ran toward it with what little energy he had left, and burst into the shop. “Ossan!” he shouted excitedly.

Teuchi looked up at Naruto and smiled. Not a polite smile, but a genuine smile. You could tell he was happy. Nayami, who was near the back, seemed pretty happy as well. “Naruto! How’s it going? How come you’re covered in dirt? You want something to eat?”

“Fucking yes please!” Naruto replied, “Five bowls of quintuple frog and squirrel!”

Teuchi looked at him in surprise, and Nayami did as well. “What’s the occasion? I know you eat a lot but that seems like a bit much to be honest, Naruto.”

“I worked all day today, picking the crops by myself, since the farmers were sick with AIDS. I’m tired as fuck. Say, how come you were closed today? I came around in the afternoon, but it was closed and the metal thingamabob was down. And why are you open now? It’s nearing midnight.”

“Ah,” Teuchi said, “We had to take care of something urgent in the afternoon.” Nayami, who was in the back making Naruto’s ramen, blushed. “We’re back now, and we’ll probably be open until morning, although we didn’t really expect anyone to be around this late. Not even those fucking idiots are wandering around anymore.”

“Yeah,” Naruto replied, “I guess they got sent back to the orphanage.”

Within a few minutes Nayami slammed all three bowls in front of Naruto. Naruto looked in the bowl, but Teuchi didn’t need to. “Damn! That was fast! And this actually has frog and squirrel!”

Nayami blushed, and Teuchi smiled knowingly.

 

* * *

 

The limo pulled up in front of Lee’s house. “Wait here Iruka,” Lee said, and he and Bee got out. They went inside, and Iruka waited.

Lee frowned as soon as he entered. “Yo,” Bee said, “Your window is wide open, bro! Look at it flap, as the night wind blows! Anyone could get in, and take your shit! Why the fuck didn’t you fucking lock it?”

Lee headed for his bedroom, and Bee followed. He entered and saw his tape player broken on the floor. He picked up the tape the band and Bee had recorded, and examined it. Luckily, it wasn’t broken. He put it in his pocket, and explored the room. He couldn’t tell if any of his clothes or pesos had been taken, since there were so many of them, it would have been hard to notice. He went back to the living room, and Bee followed him.

“Yo,” Bee continued, “You look around all frantic, but won’t tell me what’s the matter! It must be something gigantic, from what I can gather!

Lee shut the window. “I’m gonna have to find a lock for this thing,” Lee muttered. He turned to face Killer Bee. “Sorry,” he explained, “I was suspicious before, but this time there’s ample evidence. Someone broke into my house.”

“Oh shit!”

“Yeah, and they broke my tape recorder. Fortunately, our demo tape is still intact.”

“Alright, that’s what’s up!” Killer Bee said excitedly, and they fist bumped.

“Alright,” Lee said, “Let’s get back to the limo. We should tell Tsunade we’re planning to hold a concert. And I have to give Iruka the tape so he can send it over to be published as a cd.”

Lee and Bee headed back to the Limo, locking the door on the way, and Lee made a mental note to get a lock later for the window.

“Iruka, take us to the Hokage Residence,” Lee said, as he and Bee got in the back.

“Alright,” Iruka said, and headed for the Hokage residence.

Once they reached it, They got out, and Lee handed the tape to Iruka. “You know what to do. Just keep it safe for now, we should do a few concerts first. And you can head home now, here’s a tip.” Lee handed him a few hundred pesos, and Iruka thanked him, and drove away.

 

* * *

 

You know how when you masturbate, you get sleepy? Well that’s what happened with our friends Kakashi and Guy. Their sex was so fucking intense, even though they had woken up recently, they fell asleep and slept for over twelve hours. They woke up around the time Naruto had finished working and lay in each other’s embrace for about twenty minutes before one of them said anything.

“Kakashi, I’m sticky.” Guy said quietly.

Kakashi smiled. “Yeah, me too. What time do you think it is?”

Guy looked up at the sky and studied the position of the moon and the stars. “I’d imagine it’s around midnight. No one should be around, but we’ll still need to sneak in the shadows.”

Kakashi looked at him. “Why?”

Guy scratched his head and chuckled embarrassedly, “Yesterday, in my raging passion of youth, I ended up throwing my clothes in the dumpster. They’re probably really dirty now.”

Kakashi got up, and threw his clothes, which were lying on the floor, at Guy.

“What’s this?” Guy asked.

“You’re much bigger and more masculine than me,” Kakashi explained, “You’ll be more noticeable naked. You can wear my clothes, and I’ll go naked."

Guy’s eyes watered as looked at Kakashi. He got up and hugged him. “Thank you friend.”

“Yeah,” Kakashi said, and they both started to stretch. They had been asleep over twelve hours straight, they were pretty stiff. And Kakashi’s bumhole was much wider. If you put your ear next to it, you could hear the ocean.

Guy put on his clothes, took Kakashi’s hand, and they both snuck through the shadows of the village, headed for Kakashi’s apartment.

 

* * *

 

Iruka parked the limo in the alley, got out and locked it. He threw the plastic bag filled with coffee cups into the dumpster in the alley and started up the stairs to his apartment on the second floor of the building. He fumbled with the keys until he found the one for the front door, unlocked it, and went inside. He went to his bedroom, fumbled with his keys until he found the one for the safe, and opened it. He saw all the demo tapes for Lee’s previous albums stacked neatly against the back. He reached into his pocket and took out the latest, placed it in the safe, and closed it. He sat down on his bed and sighed.

He liked working for Lee. The pay was great. But it could be so tiring at times. And it was unbelievably stressful having to hold in his piss. He was sleepy as fuck. He was about to go to sleep, when his stomach growled. He realized how hungry he was. He was too lazy to make something for himself, so he decided to head for Ichiraku Ramen, even though he knew it was probably closed. He had been working for the whole day, he thought he might as well give it a shot. He got up and left his apartment, headed for Ichiraku.

He turned the corner on the street where the shop was located, and, to his surprise, he saw the lights of the shop on. He walked into the shop, and was met by none other than Naruto.

 

* * *

 

“Yes. Yes, thank you Shizune. You can have the day off tomorrow. Good work.” Tsunade hung up and sighed. She looked tired. She looked up and noticed Lee and Bee standing before her. She was so engrossed in her call she hadn’t noticed them come in. Her mood seemed to brighten. “Lee, Killer Bee! Nice sexy purple outfits!”

“Yo, that’s what’s up!” they both said, and fist bumped Tsunade.

“So, what brings you here so late?” Tsunade inquired.

“Well,” Lee started, “We have some business, but first I’d like to report a robbery.”

“A robbery?” Tsunade looked tense.

“Yes, someone broke into my home while I was gone,” Lee explained, “The window was wide open and my tape recorder was broken. I suspect some of my pesos were missing, but I’m not sure.”

“Hmm,” Tsunade looked thoughtful, “It could have been anyone. Kiba’s been sneaking around lately.”

“Hey!” Kiba burst through the closet on the side of the room,  holding a bottle of Lee’s Brand Vodka, “That’s not true!”

“GET OUT!’ Tsunade, suddenly shouted, and threw a motherfucking shoe at Kiba’s face. He ducked and leaped out the window.

Lee and Bee stared at the Tsunade in shock.

“Sorry,” she said, calming down, “He’s an annoying son of a bitch.” She sat down, and remembered that Naruto had been stealing money from Lee. She almost said something, but decided against it, Lee had plenty of money, and Naruto had been working hard while the farmers had AIDS. He’d probably stop. “Be sure to add a lock to your window, Lee,” she said.

“I’ll try to remember that, Tsunade-sama.”

“So, what business do you two have with me?”

“Yo, check this!” Bee cut in, “We’re releasing a cd, together as a pair! As you can see, that’s pretty fucking rare! Rare like a delicious steak, yeah, we ain’t no fakes! So we’re doing concerts to promote our new work! So let us perform a concert, don’t be a jerk!”

“We were hoping you could let us perform a concert the day after tomorrow,” Lee said.

Tsunade smirked. “You two together huh? Damn, people will love that. I know Shizune will, she’s a big fan of you Lee. She needs a break after tonight.”

“What happened tonight?” Lee asked.

“She had to heal all the farmers, they had AIDS.”

“Oh shit!” Bee put in.

“Yeah,” Tsunade said, “It was crop picking time as well, so I had Naruto pick all the crops, I’ll have to pay him a lot since it was a fair amount of work. We didn’t know how long it would take to heal them and couldn’t risk fucking up the crops. If it took too long to heal them, all of our crops would be fucked! And then we wouldn’t have anything to eat, because that’s what we eat, our crops.” Tsunade sighed. “Well,” she continued, “Tomorrow I’ll have some genin spread the word that you’re having a concert, and we’ll set up a stage to be ready for use by the day after.”

“Cool!” Lee said.

“Aight!” Tsunade said, rising up, “I’ll see you in two days, keep being sexy, punks!”

“Yo!” they both replied, and fist bumped her again.

 

* * *

 

Although Kakashi’s clothes were a bit tight, they fit him alright. Guy walked with the naked Kakashi slowly, they stuck to the walls and shadows, heading for his apartment. They knew it was late, but they had to be careful. It would suck to be caught like this. And they weren’t sure if those orphans were still around or not.

They stuck to the outskirts of the village. They passed the Hokage Residence and were nearing an alley when they heard something shatter. They stopped and exchanged glances. Guy handed a kunai that was in Kakashi’s clothes to him, and the naked Kakashi hid behind the corner of the alley, and waited.

Kiba had snuck into the alley to finish drinking his vodka after Tsunade kicked him out. There wasn’t much left in it anyway. Once he finished, he threw it on the ground and it shattered. Once he did, he felt someone’s presence. He sniffed. It smelled like . . . two people. Males. He take a kunai out of his hoodie, and approached the corner of the alley, kneeling, ready to pounce on his enemy.

The naked Kakashi and the drunk Kiba turned the corner and attacked each other at the same time. They clashed with their kunai. They saw who they were attacking. They stayed like that for a split second.

Suddenly Kakashi leaped back and attempted to cover his genitals, aware once again, that he was in fact, naked. “Kiba!” he shouted in surprise.

“Augh! Naked guy!” Kiba screamed, and leaped back in shock. Both of their kunai fell to the floor.

“Actually,” Guy put in, “Naked Kakashi. I’m fully clothed.”

Kiba, now recovered from the shock of seeing a respected sensei fully naked, stared at the two men suspiciously, his eyes speculating. “Say,” he said quietly, “What are you two doing anyway?”

Guy stood there dumbly. Kakashi gave up on covering up his genitals, and, still blushing, he pointed accusingly at Kiba, “A better question would be what are you doing mister? Out here in this dark alley, at midnight?”

“I’ve been investigating,” Kiba explained, “There’s been suspicious activity around.”

They stared at each other for a few seconds.

“I won’t tell if you won’t.” Kakashi offered.

“Deal.”


	7. Iruka and Sai

Although Lee had his own house, he usually spent his time at Choji’s. Sometimes he’d sleep there. Sai had his own place, but he was practically living with Choji at this point. He was a pretty chill and mellow guy, and didn’t feel like walking back and forth between his apartment and Choji’s when he was going to spend most of his time at Choji’s anyway.

Choji’s apartment was a pretty chill place. It was bigger than most apartments, and the lights in the living room and rehearsal room were red. The white lights were in the bedrooms on the side and the kitchen. Choji’s bedroom was located in the middle of the hallway at the side, and Sai and Lee’s were at the side.

Lee was the guitarist and leader of the band, Sai was the bassist, and Choji the drummer. Lee took care of all their bills and managed the band, Sai managed the drugs, and Choji ate the food.

By now there was much less smoke in the dim red apartment. Choji was still asleep on his side. Sai had thrown away the empty bags of chips and went to sleep as well. He was lying on the couch opposite to Choji. The pile of weed on the table had gotten smaller. Sai was a light sleeper, so when Lee knocked on the door, he didn’t take long to get up and open it.

“Yo,” Sai said as he opened the door, real chill-and-mellow-like, “Nice sexy purple outfits.”

“Yo, that’s what’s up!” Lee and Bee replied, and they fist bumped Sai.

Lee went through the bead curtain on the side, and headed to the room he used when he stayed here. He took out his favorite electric guitar from under the bed. It was black and white flying V with a yellow headstock. He pulled the strap on and played it for a bit.

“Yo,” Bee said, looking over the table as Sai sat on the couch, real mellow and chill, “You got a lot of weed! More than a bro could need! That’s pretty fucking chill, ya fool!”

Sai smiled. “You think that’s a lot? Follow me.” He walked over to the bead curtains real chill and mellow. He took a left and Bee followed him in.

This was the room Sai slept in, when he hadn’t fallen asleep in the bathroom or the couch. He walked around the bed and opened the closet. Inside were different colored half shirts and pants. All leather. Underneath were several boxes stacked on each other. Sai took out three of them and placed them on his bed.

Killer Bee watched as he opened each cardboard box. The inside of each box was covered in plastic. One box was filled to the brim with pure marijuana. Another was filled with boxes of cigars and cigarettes, in separate sections. The third had rolling papers, inhalers, lighters, and vaporizers.

“So,” Sai said closing up the boxes, “I’m guessing we’re gonna be touring now?”

Killer Bee nodded, still shocked at seeing Sai’s stash. Each box was about the size of an old computer monitor, and there were at least a dozen in his closet. “Yo,” Bee said, “We’ll all be tourin’ togetha, and holy fuck! All that weed musta cost a pretty buck! Where the fuck did you get that much paraphernalia? It’s arousing my average-sized genitalia!”

“Pesos, Bee, use the right currency,” Sai said.

“Yo, not much rhymes with pesos, ya fool! Ya fool!”

Sai smirked. “Well, I have a few connections. And We get a lot of money from selling our cds and performing. Iruka works for Lee as a limo driver but also manages other things. He got in a sponsorship type deal with a company that makes vodka, we get a lot of money from that as well. But don’t worry about that. Since you’re touring with us now you can go ahead and treat yourself.”

“Yo, that’s what’s up!” Bee said, smiling, and they fist bumped.

Lee appeared in the hallway holding his guitar. “The concerts the day after tomorrow Sai! We already talked to Tsunade.” He explained, and turned and walked into the living room. “Choji, wake up!”

Sai and Bee followed Lee into the living room. They saw Choji awaken and sit up on the couch. He had a dumb look on his face. With some effort, he stood up. “Choji hungry,” he droned, and wandered off into the kitchen.

“Yo,” Bee said, “I’m pretty hungry as well! If we could eat a meal, that’d be swell!”

Lee considered it. “It has been a while since we’ve eaten,” he said, “Yo Sai, what’s the situation on food?”

“Choji ate it all,” Sai informed them.

“Damn,” Lee said, “Well I’m too lazy to cook. You guys want to head to Ichiraku?”

“You think it’ll be open this late?” Sai asked.

“We might as well give it a shot.”

“Yo,” Bee said, “What are we waiting for? Let’s go now, por favor!”

Lee put up his guitar in their rehearsal room on the opposite side of their bedrooms, and headed out with Bee, while Sai went to get Choji. Sai found Choji chewing on an empty cereal box, which was now halfway drenched in his saliva. “Choji, that’s not food,” Sai explained, grabbing him by the arm and throwing the box away, “We’re going to Ichiraku okay? You can eat ramen there.”

“Choji hungry,” Choji repeated like a zombie, spitting out a piece of cardboard, the same look on his face.

“Yes, Choji, I know.” Sai said, and led him out the door.

 

* * *

 

“Hey Naruto! I like what you did with your hair” Iruka sat down beside him, smiling.

“Iruka sensei!” Naruto looked up and greeted him. Iruka noticed he had three empty bowls next to him, and two in front of him that he was working on. They were big bowls, and filled to the brim with what looked like frog and squirrel.

“Damn,” Iruka commented, “What’s the occasion Naruto? Eating so much at midnight?”

“Oh,” Naruto said, chewing, “Well the farmers got AIDS so I had to pick the crops, and I came here and saw it was open-”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full!”

Naruto finished the noodles and squirrel in his mouth and looked at him apologetically, “Sorry sensei, tired as fuck. I picked crops for like seven hours today and I hadn’t eaten breakfast, it’s just been a long day.”

“Oh,” Iruka said, “I can understand that. Long day for me as well. I’ve been awake for over twenty hours, I had to drive Lee to Kumo and back. He and Bee are gonna be touring now, so I probably have a lot to do after tomorrow. I was hungry as hell, and decided to come to Ichiraku. Pretty surprised that it’s actually open. Say, what happened to your lips?” Iruka was leaning close to Naruto, examining his lips.

“Oh,” Naruto said, “I was over at Choji’s today and-”

“Iruka!” Teuchi cut in suddenly, “What would you like to eat?”

“Oh,” Iruka said, “Double pig and cow.” As soon as said it a bowl of ramen was put in front of him. Iruka looked in. “Damn Nayami! And this actually has pig and cow in it!”

Nayami smiled, and Iruka dug in. Naruto was onto his fifth bowl when they saw the band come in.

“Yo!” Bee rapped, “I can’t believe it’s open this late! It’s been a whole ten hours since I’ve ate! Let’s all sit the fuck down and chow! I’ll take a bowl of triple squid and cow!”

Iruka had been sitting on the seat at the far right, Naruto next to him. Bee sat down next to Naruto, Lee sat next to Bee, with Sai to his left, and Choji at the far left, taking up two seats.

A bowl of ramen was put in front of Bee a matter of seconds after he asked for it.

“Holy fuck!” Teuchi exclaimed, “So many people! I didn’t think we’d serve anyone this late! What do you all want?”

“I’ll take triple frog and horse,” Lee said.

“Double cow and octopus,” Sai said.

“Choji hungry,” Choji explained.

“Uh huh,” Teuchi nodded kindly, “So what would you like?”

“Choji hungry!” Choji repeated.

“He’ll take eight bowls of octuple whale and tiger,” Sai informed Teuchi.

Teuchi and Nayami looked at Sai in disbelief, but Sai nodded. “Trust me,” He informed them, “He’ll eat it all, just make it.”

“Choji hungry!” Choji said once again, started to get agitated.

“It’s okay, Choji, it’s coming. Relax.” Sai said, rubbing his shoulder.

Nayami had already placed Lee and Sai’s orders on the counter, but it took her a whole two minutes to make Choji’s order. She slammed the eight bowls in front of him and he finished the first bowl in ten seconds and let out a massive burp. Teuchi and Nayami watched in amazement as he went on to his second bowl.

“Lee! Bee!” Naruto said excitedly.

“Yo, I like what you did with your hair there Naruto! And it’s been a long while since I’ve seen you bro! What’s been happenin’, and why are you covered with dirt? Did you hear me and Lee, are doin’ a concert?” Bee rapped.

“Yo,” Naruto rapped in reply, “Thanks for the compliment, Hinata said she did as well as a lot of others, so I’m thinking of keeping it! And I’m covered with dirt because I had to pick up all the crops and whatnot, because the farmers have AIDS!”

“Yo, a rap is supposed to rhyme! Ya fool, ya fool!”

“Oh, sorry! I’m not very good,” Naruto admitted, scratching his silky-ass hair in embarrassment.

“Yo, it’s cool!” Bee said, and they fist bumped.

“Hinata?” Lee asked.

“Oh, yeah,” Naruto explained, blushing a little, “I went on a date with Hinata yesterday.”

“Yo,” Lee said, impressed, “That’s what’s up!” And they fist bumped as well.

By now Sai and Iruka had finished their ramen. Choji was lying on the floor of the shop, sleeping, his giant stomach moving up and down as he breathed, like snorlax. Teuchi was picking up their empty bowls, and Iruka got up, sighed, and left the shop. Naruto, Lee, and Bee stayed and caught up with each other, and Sai got up and followed Iruka.

 

* * *

 

Iruka had his hands in his pockets and looked down at the ground as he walked, his shoulders slumped. Sai caught up with him.

“Hey,” he said.

“Oh,” Iruka said, looking surprised, “Hey Sai.”

“You doin’ okay?” Sai asked.

“I’m fine, just a bit tired.”

“Yeah, it must be stressful. Having to hold in your piss all day.”

“Yeah,” Iruka said, a bit surprised that Sai thought about him. “I don’t really stop often to piss, since I have to go a lot because of the coffee I drink.”

“Speaking of piss,” Sai said, “I have to go. Why don’t you join me?”

It was a weird thing to ask, but the chill and mellow way Sai said it made Iruka follow him into the alley. Iruka saw Sai’s tight ass move with from side to side as he gracefully made his way into the dark alley. He saw Sai face the brick wall and take out two joints. Sai lit his own, and handed the other to Iruka.

“Ah, no thanks,” Iruka said.

“Take it,” Sai said, “You deserve it after such a long day. It’ll calm you down.”

“Ah, okay,” Iruka said, a bit hesitant, but Sai’s chill and mellow manner was quite persuasive, “Thanks.” He put the joint to his mouth and Sai lit it. Iruka sucked.

They both faced the brick wall with a joint in their mouths, and took out their dicks.

Iruka couldn’t help but look at Sai’s penis. They were standing really close, and Iruka just wanted a peek. He was curious. He glanced over, and couldn’t believe how long and thin it was. Hard to believe, considering how cold it was. He looked up and saw Sai looking at his shrunk dick as well, which was hiding in the shell of his foreskin.

Iruka blushed.

Once they both finished pissing, Iruka took out his joint and exhaled. At that moment, Sai took his joint out of his mouth, and put his hand on Iruka’s cheek, turning him and kissed him on the mouth, slipping his tongue in. For a second, Iruka kissed back, and their dicks touched, stiffening.

Iruka backed away in shock and ended up dropping his joint in the pool of urine. “W-what are you doing?” he asked.

Sai came closer to him and put his arm on his shoulder. He took out his joint and put it in Iruka’s, and he had no choice but to suck. Iruka took the joint out of his mouth and exhaled. “I’ll be straight with you,” Sai said, “I think you’re pretty hot. You’ve had a long day, and look stressed. How about we head back to your place?”

They stared into each others eyes, their dicks rock hard now. Iruka’s penis was a mere four inches, and Sai’s was eight, although it was much thinner. Sai’s thin pale anaconda and Iruka’s thick dark snake were crossed like two swords on a flag. Sai leaned closer to Iruka and kissed him again. Iruka let him. “Come on,” Sai said gently, and, with his arm still around him, they went back to Iruka’s place, not caring their dicks were still out. Iruka finished his joint by the time they got there.

 

* * *

 

Kakashi reached into his pant’s pocket, which Guy was wearing, and took out a key. He opened the door to his apartment and they both went in.

“Alright,” Kakashi said, tossing the key on the living room table, “You can find some clothes in my closet.”

“Nonsense Kakashi!” Guy said, and in one swoop, took off Kakashi’s clothes and threw them on the couch. “We’re home now, we don’t need clothes! Let’s dance naked!” The muscular man started doing weird dance moves in front of Kakashi.

Kakashi laughed, “Stop it Guy.”

“What’s the matter?” Guy asked, getting up in Kakashi’s face, “Afraid ya ain’t got the moves?”

Kakashi laughed some more, his face turning red, and pretty soon Guy started laughing as well. And then guy hugged Kakashi and kissed him on the lips, through his mask. “Take your mask off Kakashi, I want to kiss you.”

“You know I can’t do that Guy. I don’t want you you to go blind.”

“Please?” Guy asked, running his hands through Kakashi’s hair.

Kakashi placed his hands on Guy’s face and ran his thumb across his brow. He kissed him through his mask again. They both had boners now, their naked bodies leaning against each other. Kakashi’s seven incher was thinner than Guy’s six incher, although not as thin as Sai’s. “Why don’t we take a shower together?” Kakashi suggested.

“Sure.”

They got in the small shower in Kakashi’s apartment, and Kakashi turned it on. Warm water ran down both their bodies and wet Kakashi’s mask. Guy stood with his back to the wall. “Guy, I’m taking my mask off. Do not open your eyes, do you understand? Keep them closed, and don’t open them until I say so.” Kakashi explained.

“Aye aye captain,” Guy said, and closed his eyes shut, determined not to open them. Pretty soon he felt Kakashi’s lips against his, without the mask in between. He felt Kakashi’s tongue enter his mouth, and they kissed. They kissed for a long time, hugging, their dicks pressed against each other. The wet liquid pumped out and ran down the sides of their penises like lava on a volcano.

 

* * *

 

“Well,” Naruto said, “It was fun talking to you guys, but I’m really fucked tired and should head home to and sleep.”

“Yo, that’s cool, We got to get home and rehearse! So we don’t fuck up our verse! We’re performing a concert in two days! We’ll get on stage and fucking amaze! Ya fool, ya fool!” Killer Bee said, and Naruto fist bumped with Bee and Lee one last time before heading home.

“Choji, wake up!” Lee said, kicking Choji in the stomach. “Wake the fuck up!”

Choji awoke, and with Lee and Bee’s help, got up. They all headed home.

 

* * *

 

Iruka knelt on the floor and his upper body was pushed against the mattress. His pants were on the floor four feet away, and his legs were spread. Sai’s hands were placed on Iruka’s back and he was thrusting into him.. After about four minutes Sai pumped deep into Iruka’s bowels, and sighed with pleasure. Iruka sat up and Sai got on the floor and started sucking Iruka’s dick.

It was pretty thick, and he had to open his mouth as wide as he could to get it in. It was four inches, so it went into his throat, but not very far. Sai sucked Iruka’s dick for a full six minutes as Iruka ran his fingers through his hair. Sai swallowed graciously as Iruka ejaculated. His mouth made a popping sound like a suction cup as he took his mouth off Iruka’s dick and he put his arms around his neck and kissed him fiercely. “You ever need anything from me, weed, sex, just ask, alright?” Sai whispered.

“Thank you,” Iruka managed to say.

Sai tucked his dick back into his tight leather pants and left. Iruka got under the covers of his bed and fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

Bee and Choji sat on the couch as Lee went through the kitchen cabinets. “Wow,” he said, “Choji emptied the place out. We’re gonna have to do some groceries tomorrow.”

Choji burped and rubbed his giant stomach.

“Yo, where the fuck is Sai? I haven’t see the guy! I’m sittin’ here rockin’ to and fro! Waiting for that guy to fuckin’ show!” Bee rapped.

The front door opened and Sai stepped through.

“Yo, Sai, where were you?” Lee asked.

“Business,” Sai replied.

“Alright,” Lee said, going to his room and coming back with his guitar, “We have to rehearse, I think this is a good time, since we’ve all woke up a few hours ago.

They all went to the red room, and got their instruments. Choji sat behind the drums, Lee had his black and white guitar, and Sai had his bass guitar. Bee had his voice. They turned the volume on the amplifier down a little considering how it was midnight, and rehearsed until morning, taking a few piss breaks. At around 8:00 am they all smoked weed and fell asleep on the couch.


	8. Cigaweed

Iruka fell into such a deep slumber after being awake for so long and getting fucked and sucked, he didn’t hear the thing come into his room. The door creaked open and the silhouette of a chubby looking thing with an antenna entered the room. It tiptoed across the room and went to where Iruka’s safe was kept on the dresser. He picked it up and the tapes inside fell against the side of the safe and were loud as fuck.

“Shit!” A high-pitched and annoying sounding voice came from the silhouette. It turned to look at Iruka, who was still sleeping like a baby. A baby who’d recently been fucked hard in the ass and sucked off. The silhouette sighed with relief, turned and left the apartment, taking the safe with it.

 

* * *

 

Hinata was back in her white jacket and jeans. It had been a day since her and Naruto’s date, and she decided to visit him and see how he was doing.

When she knocked on his door he opened it and looked at her in surprise.”Oh, hey Hinata!”

She looked him over. His jumpsuit was covered with bits of dirt here and there, and his face seemed dirty. He smelled of sweat. He must have been working hard recently. She noticed his lips. “Naruto!” she said, sounding worried, “What happened to your lips?” She got up close to his face and examined them.

Naruto stepped back a little, “Ah, don’t worry about it I was just-”

“Shh! Don’t move!” she ordered. She put her arm on his cheek and held the other in front of his lips. A faint glow of chakra appeared as the burns on his lips faded away. Hinata ran her fingers across his lips. “There,” she said, “All better.”

“Thanks,” Naruto said, blushing a little.

“Hinata backed away and looked around. “So, what’s up? What have you been up to?”

“Oh, well Tsunade gave me a really tiring mission yesterday, so I’ve just been in bed since I woke up.”

“Did you hear about Lee’s new concert?” Hinata asked.

“Oh yeah,” Naruto said, “I met him and Bee yesterday at Ichiraku.”

“Oh really? I just heard about it now, I was walking over here and there’s fliers posted up like, everywhere.”

“Well I was gonna go get something to eat. You want to go to Ichiraku with me?”

“Sure, I’d like that.”

They left and started walking to Ichiraku, making small talk.

“Hey, have you seen how fat Choji is?” Naruto asked.

“Oh, yeah!” Hinata replied.

“It’s fucking crazy. I never thought anyone could be so huge! It’s kind of scary actually.”

“Hey, do you know what the deal with Sakura is?”

“What do you mean?” Naruto asked.

“I saw her on my way here, she looked like she was in a hurry. I tried saying something to her but she didn’t listen.”

“I don’t know. There’s been weird stuff going on lately. Did you know Kakashi sensei was crying?”

Hinata’s eyes widened. “Really? _Kakashi sensei?_ No way.”

“Yeah, it really happened, I swear! I was at Ichiraku-”

Suddenly Moegi, Konohamaru’s friend, interrupted them. “Naruto! Tsunade wants you! Also, did you hear Lee’s having a concert!? With Bee!”

“Yes, he told me yesterday.”

“Well Tsunade wants you!”

“No.”

“She says it’s urgent!”

“Damn it!” Naruto turned to Hinata, “You wanna come with me Hinata? I’m sure this won’t take long. If she gives me a mission I’ll just say no.”

“Alright,” Hinata said.

 

* * *

 

“I’m sure you’ve heard Lee’s having a concert tomorrow,” Tsunade said to the two men standing before her.

“Oh yeah! My pupil, so full of passion and youth, is releasing another cd!” Guy looked excited as fuck.

“Yep,” Tsunade said, “With Bee.”

“So we have to build a stage?” Kakashi asked, looking up from his book, “Isn’t there one already?”

“This is a village,” Tsunade explained, “We’ve never had concerts before the war. After the war, the first time Lee ever did a concert, we had to assemble a stage. We cleared an area of trees in the woods by the village and built it there. It looked ugly as fuck though, so we had to tear it down afterward.”

“I see. So we’ll have to build this stage by hand?”

“That’s right, with wood. The jonin have already begun clearing an area next to the village, you’ll have to use the wood they’ve cut up to start building the stage. Once it’s done, we hired some genin and chunin to paint it, make it look nice. You two just need to worry about helping the jonin build it.”

Kakashi sighed. “I wish Yamato were here. This would be much simpler.”

“What do you look so depressed for!?” Guy shouted suddenly, “This is a chance for us to express our passion and youth!”

“As if we didn’t do enough of that yesterday, huh?”

“Come on Kakashi, my rival, and close-ass motherfucking friend if you know what I mean, I challenge you!” Guy turned and pointed Kakashi and the shape of his muscular butt stuck out through his green tights and jiggled. “Whoever builds the stage the fastest is sexy as fuck!”

Kakashi put his book in his pocket and ran after Guy, who had already stormed out the door.

The clearing where the jonin worked was on the west side of the village. Some were still chopping trees and others just stood there. And then Guy and Kakashi came. At first the jonin thought that some ghost was fucking with their wood, but they saw it was actually two ninjas moving fast as fuck. They watched as the silver haired ninja and the weird looking one in the green tights set up the stage. They moved in a blur and before the jonin knew it, the base of the stage had already been assembled, and all the wood was gone.

“What are you doing standing there?” The one in the green tights shouted, “Move! Come on! Where is your passion and youth?” The jonin watched as the two ninja started chopping down trees and cutting wood, much faster than all of them had done, and it motivated them.

“Come on! Let’s get to work!” one of the jonin shouted, and they all did, working harder than they had before.

The stage was finished in a couple of hours and the chunin and genin set to work decorating it.

 

* * *

 

“Alright listen up you old hag! I don’t have time for your shitty missions! I’m on a date with Hinata and you’re not gonna ruin it!” Naruto burst through the door and ran up to the desk pointing an accusing finger at Tsunade. Hinata followed close behind.

“Hello Hinata,” Tsunade said calmly.

“Hello Tsunade-sama. How are you?”

“Oh I’m fine, just doing hokage-work and whatnot. Sending people on missions.”

“Oh that’s cool. I’m on a date with Naruto.”

“Don’t fucking ignore me!” Naruto jumped on the desk and got all up in Tsunade’s face. “I said I’m not going on your shitty mission! So quit calling me here!”

“You little shit!” Tsunade got out a briefcase and slapped Naruto with it, causing him to hit the wall on the opposite side of the room. She jumped on him and started hitting him over and over with the briefcase. “You want me to turn you into a triangle again!?”

“No! Not a triangle! Please!” Naruto lay on the floor trying futilely to block her attacks.

“Tsunade-sama! Calm down!” Hinata tried to hold her back.

Tsunade threw the briefcase at Naruto and walked back to her desk. “Open it.”

Naruto hesitated, thinking there might be some trap.

“Well what are you waiting for, punk? Open it!”

He opened it and his eyes widened. “This . . .”

“Thirty thousand pesos, for your mission yesterday,” Tsunade explained.

“ _Thirty Thousand?_ ” Hinata was surprised as well.

“Naruto was a great help to the village yesterday, picking all the crops while the farmers were sick.”

“Holy fuck! Thanks Tsunade!” Naruto leapt to her and hugged her from behind.

“Alright, get off,” she said, looking annoyed.

“That’s so much money,” Hinata said.

“Hinata!” Naruto screamed suddenly, “We’re going! Come on!” He grabbed the briefcase and took her by the hand, running out the door.

Tsunade sat down and sighed once they left. Getting the crops was a pretty major mission, but Naruto had managed to complete it by himself. She figured he’d appreciate the pay and maybe it would stop him from stealing from Lee. It should him last him a while.

 

* * *

 

Naruto banged his fist on the door loud as fuck.

“Wait, Naruto, what are you doing? Where are we going?” Hinata asked.

“Sunagakure!” He replied.

“Why?”

“I’m rich now! We could go on vacation! We could meet Gaara, we could shop for nonsense, and we could eat food!” Naruto looked excited, “It’ll make up for our shitty date last time! It’ll be awesome!”

“Oh. I see.”

“You can come right?” Naruto asked, realizing he’d just expected her to come without asking her, “I mean if you don’t want to that’s cool.”

Hinata remembered what her dad did yesterday. How excited he was. “Well, I don’t think my dad would mind. Uh . . . yeah! Sure! Let’s go!”

“Cool!”

Iruka opened the door.

“Iruka sensei!” Naruto said.

“Naruto?”

“You’re Bee’s limo driver right?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Are you doing anything today?”

“I have today off.”

“Can you drive me and hinata to Sunagakure?”

Iruka looked annoyed. “Why?”

“We’re going on vacation. We’ll be there for a while so just drop us off.”

“Vacation from what? And you can’t go there yourself? Just hop through the trees like they did in the anime.”

“There’s no trees there. Come sensei, please! I give you a good tip. Here!” Naruto balanced the briefcase on his knee and opened it. He took out a thousand pesos and handed it to Iruka.

“Holy fuck, Naruto, where’d you get all that cash?” Iruka asked, taking the pesos and putting them in his pocket.

“Mission. Well can you take us now?”

Iruka sighed. “Sure hang on.” He went back inside and got his keys. He had just woken up and was too preoccupied, so he hadn’t noticed the missing safe. He went back outside. “Alright, it’s in the alley, come on.”

They all followed him to the alley, where Iruka unlocked the limo and they all got in.

“Well this is nice.” Hinata said, sitting down on the very back seat.

Naruto sat down next to her. “Hey Iruka, you mind if we smoke weed?”

Iruka turned around and looked at him through the window. “You mean Lee’s?”

“No I bought my own!”

“Fine.” Iruka said, closing the window.

They felt the limo slowly move forward a bit and jerk to a stop a few times. It was hard to drive a limo in a village like Konoha, especially during the day. But in time they reached the main gates and left the village, and it was smooth sailing from then on.

Naruto took out his shrunk cigarette box and lighter, and made it bigger. He opened the box and took out one of the cigarette packs in it, and put the box on the table in front of them.

“You ever smoke weed before, Hinata?” he asked, taking out the cigarette filled with weed and placing it in his mouth. He lit it up and took a drag.

“No. Are those cigarettes?”

“No. They’re cigarettes filled with weed.”

“Oh.”

“Hang on,” Naruto said. He got up and walked to the front of the limo, opening the window.

“Hey sensei!”

“Ah! What the fuck! Don’t scare me like that. Why are you up while the limo is moving?” Iruka asked.

“Sorry.”

“Is that a cigaweed?”

“It’s a cigarette filled with weed. I got it from Sai.”

“Oh, that’s a cigaweed then.”

“Is that what it’s called?”

“Yeah.”

“So hey, I was wondering, you think Lee’ll mind if I take some of his snacks? Like from the fridge?”

“I don’t know, I’m not sure-”

“Well tell him I said sorry if he does!” Naruto shut the window and made his way to the middle of the limo. He opened the fridge and saw sodas and bags of chips and oreos and all kinds of stuff. He took all of it in his hands and closed the fridge. He dumped them on the table next to the cigarette boxes in front of Hinata.

Hinata grabbed one of the packages on the table excitedly. “Oh my god!” she said, “Nutter butter! I love these!”

Naruto sat down next to her taking another drag and exhaling. “Alright Hinata, let’s smoke some cigaweed.” He took another cigaweed from the pack and handed it to her.

She held it in her hand and examined it. “What do I . . . ?”

Naruto took her hand and placed it on her lips. He lit the end. “Suck,” he said.

She sucked and ended up coughing it out. Naruto threw the lighter on the table and continued smoking his. “You’ll get the hang of it.”

And she did. By time she finished her cigaweed she was giggling. “Naruto, my head feels so light!”

Naruto smiled. “Yeah, that’ll happen.”

They ended up smoking about three cigaweeds before munching. Naruto ate some cheetos oreos and Hinata had some doritos and nutter butter. They tasted pretty good, even though they were cold. “My mouth is really dry,” Hinata said, opening up a can of coke.

“Yeah, that’ll happen,” Naruto said, opening a can of dr pepper. They both drank a bit.

“I like you, Hinata,” Naruto said suddenly.

“I like you too, Naruto,” Hinata replied.

They set down their sodas and leaned forward, kissing each other on the lips. They hugged each other and slipped their tongues into each other’s mouths. They kissed for the whole two hour ride to Suna, pausing only to catch their breath or drink. A dark circle had formed where the tip of Naruto’s boner was pressing against his jumpsuit. As they kissed, Hinata couldn’t help but notice how fucking huge his cock was.

 

* * *

 

Sakura didn’t bother to knock, she just went in. “Sasuke!” she called.

Sasuke was sitting on the couch drinking milk straight from the carton. “This milk is fucking delicious,” he said to himself.

“Sasuke! You’re home! I’ve been looking all over for you!” she ran over to the living room and sat down next to him.

“Sakura you’re ugly.”

“Good one!” she said, laughing as if he’d made a joke, “So, how’s it going? Remember our date at the dance? Wasn’t that fun!?”

“I only went for the lemonade.”

“Oh Sasuke,” she said, leaning against his chest, “You’re so cute and dreamy!”

“Whatever,” Sasuke said, and kept drinking his milk.

Sakura leaned closer and hugged him. “Oh Sasuke,” she whispered, “We’re gonna make such a good couple. We’ll have these little cute kids running around, and we’ll fuck a lot. It’ll be sweet.” Sasuke kept drinking his milk, as though she wasn’t there, but she hugged him tighter and tighter, blushing.

Sasuke set aside his milk and stared at her for a moment, and then he took her and shoved her face against the table.

“Sasuke!?”

He reached up her dress and pulled her undies down. He took his four inch cock out of his robe and shoved it into Sakura’s ass and started thrusting.

“Sasuke! Ah! I think . . . are you that’s the right . . . AH! . . . OH! This feels good! Oh Sasuke!”

Sasuke stopped thrusting for a moment. “Sakura,” he said.

“Yeah?”

“Shut up.” He resumed thrusting.

After a couple of minutes he sighed and sat back down on the couch, tucking his little wiener back into his robe. Sakura tried to climb onto him telling him how amazing he was, but he pushed her down to the floor and put his feet on her so she couldn’t get up. She eventually settled into “cuddling” with his feet and murmured some nonsense about how they were gonna be lovers forever until she fell asleep, her undies still down around her ankles.

Sasuke picked up the the carton of milk and started drinking again. Once he finished it he leaned back, kicked his feet up on the table, and counted the tiles on the ceiling.

 

* * *

 

Sunagakure was not only closer to Konohagakure, but it was surrounded by flat desert, so it didn’t take long to get there. Iruka dropped off Naruto and Hinata at Suna and got back to Konoha in four hours. Once he got home he threw his keys on the table, got some food from the refrigerator, and watched tv all day before falling asleep on the couch. He didn’t go back to his bedroom, although if he did, he might have noticed his safe was missing.

 

* * *

 

Although the area had a shit-ton of sandstorms, Suna itself barely had any wind at all, since the large cliffs of rock blocked them. It was a pretty nice place. All the buildings were made of weird mud-looking shit, but it was pretty nice. Naruto and Hinata had stopped at a ramen shop and eaten some triple shark and moose, and decided to head to the huge clothing store at the edge of town. It was huge, and the people in Suna were great at making clothes and whatnot. Naruto and Hinata just walked around for a couple of hours, not really knowing what to buy, since they were stoned as fuck and there was so much to choose from.

They had picked up a few items of clothing, such as a weird looking brown dress with black swirls on it, or some time of hat, but they ended up putting them back. Nothing really caught their attention until they were on the third floor.

“Holy fuck! Hinata check this out!” Naruto screamed.

“What is it?” She had been looking at some pants, but they seemed like any other pants in the store. She hadn’t found anything that really looked amazing. She went over to where Naruto was standing and saw what he was referring to. There was a big sign that had “Sexy Purple Outfits Section” written on it and every single article of clothing in that section was bright purple. “Whoa.” she said.

“It’s like the outfits Lee and Bee were wearing!”

Hinata looked at the price tag on one of the shirts. “Naruto, this is two thousand pesos!”

“Oh my god! They even have shoes!”

“Naruto! These are pretty expensive.”

“Who cares? We’re rich! We’ll look sexy as fuck in these. Come on, buy an outfit!”

Hinata smiled at how excited Naruto was. The outfits were pretty sexy, so she started to look for one herself.

Naruto ended up getting some purple jeans, a purple t-shirt, a purple hoodie, and some purple loafers. Hinata got a purple jacket, a purple shirt, purple pants, some purple sneakers, and a purple cowboy hat.

“Nice hat,” Naruto said as the walked up to the register.

“Thanks.”

The cashier gave them a weird look as she rang up the clothes. “Are you sure you can afford these?”

Naruto didn’t answer, he just took out his briefcase and opened it, showing her the contents.

“Holy shit. Well okay then, that’ll be fifteen thousand pesos.”

They headed towards the center of town once they left the shop.

“It’s getting dark,” Hinata said.

“Yeah, we should probably find a hotel to stay at,” Naruto said.

They ended up going to a big hotel near the center of town. They had asked the dude for the most expensive suite. He said it was on the top floor and cost ten thousand pesos, and was surprised as fuck when Naruto whipped out his briefcase and actually paid him.

They went into the room and Naruto put the briefcase on the dresser, and Hinata put down their sexy purple clothes next to it.

“Wow . . .” Hinata said, looking around the room. The bed was huge, and the area it was on was raised above the rest of the floor. There was a fridge in front of the bed and a huge window on the side. Hinata walked to the fridge and opened it. “So much food . . .” she said in amazement.

“Holy fuck!” Naruto shouted from the bathroom. Hinata went in the bathroom and found him next to the toilet, pressing a button on the other toilet-looking thing on the side. Water came up from it like a fountain. “It’s a motherfucking bidet!” he shouted, “We can wash our asses!”

HInata laughed, covering her mouth. “It’s pretty cool Naruto. This is all pretty cool.”

Naruto took Hinata’s hand and led her to the window. He opened it and got out two cigaweeds and a lighter. “Cigaweed?” he asked.

“Sure.” Hinata took it and held it to her mouth as Naruto lit it. He then lit his and they both smoked, resting their elbows on the window sill and looking over the quiet village.  Once they finished smoking they both flicked their cigaweeds out the window.

Hinata leaned over and kissed Naruto, wrapping her arms around his neck. She pushed him back against the wall and undid his jumpsuit zipper. He was wearing nothing inside, just like her.

She kissed his neck and his chest and his nipples and made her way back up to his mouth again. She undid her own jacket and took his hands, which had been hanging uselessly, and put them on her breasts.

“Hinata-”

“Shh.” Hinata pressed her finger against his lips. There were no words here. Just awesome sexiness.

Hinata pressed her hands against Naruto’s chest, feeling his strong-ass pectorals, and Naruto fondled Hinata’s boobs, which were soft as fuck. Naruto’s huge cock was rock hard, pressing against his pant leg. Hinata stopped kissing him and helped him take off the rest of his jumpsuit. She took off her jeans. They stood naked before each other. Naruto’s thick ten inch cock throbbed like fuck, and he had a small bush of blond pubic hair above it. Hinata had no pubic hair at all. Hinata took Naruto’s cock and ran her hands along it, feeling it.

Naruto, seeing such a beautiful fucking woman in front of him, touching his cock, couldn’t take it anymore. He grabbed her and picked her up, greedily sucking on her left tit. He slammed her down on the bed and got on top of her, sucking on her other tit. He stuck his tongue in her mouth and kissed her again, continuing to fondle her breasts. Feeling her soft squishy tongue rub against his, squeezing her unbelievably soft breasts, it was an amazing feeling. The underside of his dick was pressed against her chest and a small pool of semen stuck to the upper part of her chest. He left her mouth and planted kisses on her neck, her breasts, her belly button, until he reached her vagina.

He ran his hand down her vulva, and bought his nose up against it and took a big whiff. It sent shivers throughout his body. He didn’t think such a nice smell could exist. He spread it open with his fingers and stuck his tongue inside, moving it around. Hinata moaned with satisfaction and ran her fingers through Naruto’s silky hair. After about a minute he went back up to kiss her. He inserted his cock into her cunt and she had a sharp intake of breath, digging her fingernails into his biceps.

Naruto continued to thrust, and it felt fucking great. She ran her hands along his chest and pectorals, and he squeezed her tits. They gazed into each other’s eyes, feeling each other’s short quick breaths, for the full five minutes it lasted.

Once they finished Naruto grabbed the blanket and covered them both with it. With his cock still in her, he wrapped his hands around her and squeezed, holding her tight, and she did the same.

He felt her soft body wrapped tight against his, he felt her pussy wrapped tight around his dick. It was heavenly, he didn’t think anything could match such a feeling.

“I love you,” he whispered.

She whispered it back.

 

* * *

 

The chunin and genin had finished painting the stage, and it was ready for the concert tomorrow. The entire stage was painted black, and the background was painted a cartoon picture of the band, with bottles of Lee’s Brand Vodka painted on either side.

Once the painting was finished, everyone started to head home. Many of the jonin had already left, but Guy and Kakashi had stuck around to watch them paint.

“Damn, they’re really talented, those kids,” Guy said.

“Yeah, it’s a pretty good painting,” Kakashi agreed.

“Hey, what do you say we go home and fuck?”

Kakashi smiled. “Sure. Your place?”

“Yeah.”

They went home and fucked.

 

* * *

 

Sai and Bee had gone out during the day to restock on food. They had come back with a shit-ton of food, which should last them a while. Choji had been sleeping on the couch and Lee was in the rehearsal room with his guitar. Once they had finished restocking the cabinets and the fridge, Lee went to his room and came back out with two sexy purple outfits.

"What's that?" Sai asked.

"Sexy purple outfits. for you and Choji."

Sai took them and examined them. One was a leather outfit he assumed was for him, and the other was a large-ass robe. "Alright, cool," he said, and handed them back.

Lee put them on the couch on the side.

"Well," Sai said, "We should probably smoke some weed and relax. We have a concert tomorrow."

"Yo, can't argue with that, ya fool, ya fool!" Bee sat down on the couch next Sai and lit some blunts.

"Well, I'm gonna go practice some more," Lee said heading to the rehearsal room.

"You should relax you know! You'll be tired out for the show! Know what I'm sayin? I ain't playin!" Bee rapped.

"Whatever," Lee said, and went to finish practicing.

"Don't worry about him," Sai said, "Just chill."

And they did. They both sat on the couch smoking and rapped some freestyles before falling asleep.

 

* * *

 

The silhouette of a man sat behind a desk in a dark place. This man wasn’t as round as the one with the antenna, but he was pretty chubby himself. He had a beard, and appeared to be smoking something.

The door opened and the silhouette with the antenna entered the dark place, carrying the safe. He placed it on the floor and sat down in a chair next to the smoker, out of breath.

“You got it?” the smoker asked.

“Yes I got it,” the one with the annoying voice replied, panting, “it was hard as fuck walking out here, I wish you could have just got me in the car.”

“That wouldn’t have worked. People would notice us.”

“Well, we got it now anyway. I’ll show those bastards. So fucking happy with their peace, I’ll show them!”

“Good,” the smoker said, leaning back in his chair and kicking his feet up on the table, “We’ll strike tomorrow.”


End file.
